The Madness
by The Stalker
Summary: Some people lose their sanity...


****

Chapter One

My name is Rachel. Wanna know a last name? Too bad.

I don't give it out.

Neither do my friends. I'm not being mean or anything…it's just that if I _did_ give out my last name, I'd probably be killed by the Yeerks. Or my cousin Jake.

Let me back up. As I mentioned, my name is Rachel.

It's a nice name. But I'm not talking about names.

See, what I was mentioning is that if I gave out my last name, I'd be dead. Just like that. 

And who would kill me? Simple. The Yeerks.

Who are the Yeerks?

Let me put it bluntly: earth is under attack.

Now, I know that doesn't explain the Yeerks…but it's the Yeerks doing the attacking.

The Yeerks are like a disease, spreading from world to world, plaguing horror and destruction upon their lives.

Sounds pretty harsh, huh? 

The Yeerks are a species of slugs. Yes, slimy, gray slugs. They crawl into your ear and slip and slide down into the brain. Then, the reach across your brain, and sneak into all the little cracks, little nooks, little spaces in your brain.

Then you lose control.

Not like insane or anything. You lose control of your action. You basically can't control _anything._ When you want to pee, the Yeerk decides when. If you're hungry, the Yeerk decides if you eat or not. It decides everything for you. When to scratch an itch, sit down…do anything. And nothing is kept from the Yeerk. They know all your secrets. They can read your memories like a book, anytime, any day.

And the worst part is, they're everywhere.

Anyone could be a Controller, a human with a Yeerk in the head.

You parents, friends, teachers, anyone.

Jake's older brother Tom is one. Marco's mom is one.

I just hope my mom or dad isn't one. There's no way to tell.

So, now you're freaking out, huh?

Earth is under a silent attack of brain stealing slugs and no one is doing a thing about it? Where the heck is the army and everything?

Well, if most of the government knew about the Yeerks, they'd try to conceal it, like all the other things they do.

So, we figured someone had to do something about it. We asked a magic fairy if she could bestow magical morphing powers on us.

Haha. I wish it were that simple.

Unfortunately, it wasn't.

One night, my friends and I were walking through an abandoned construction site, thinking nothing unusual and BAM! This alien ship crashes right out of the sky.

Now, it wasn't just an alien ship. It was an Andalite spacecraft.

And it wasn't just any alien piloting the ship, oh, no. It was Elfangor. Elfangor, the alien on board, was hurt. Badly. 

He took out this blue box, and used it on us. Gave us the power of change. To change into any animal we acquire.

Well, unfortunately, he died. And he was murdered by non other than Visser stupid Three himself.

The only Yeerk that possesses the body of an Andalite and morphing powers. So now we're out to get him and all the other Yeerks there are.

That is why I don't give my last name out.

Anyway, death, destruction and depression weren't on my "To Do" list today.

Maybe on my mind, but not on the agenda.

See I was trying to enjoy myself.

Be normal. Normal. Normal wasn't a word I use often.

I was at a party. Not just any party. Jennifer Harp, the most popular girl in school alone, hosted the party.

And you'd have to be pretty cool to get in.

Jennifer was one of those people. You know 'em. Have money, looks, and friends…everything.

So she shows that off once and a while. Okay, so I was kidding about being pretty cool to get in. Goodness, Marco was there. Cassie was there. Jake was there.

I was there. It felt good to be normal.

I stood by the wall, next to the refreshment's table. Good thing Ax wasn't there. He would have gone nuts.

I watched as everyone jumped and bounce to the music. I looked to my left. Four girls were in engaged in a conversation. 

"He did _what?_ No way! No way!" One of the girls squealed. One of those preppy, blonde idiots. Lot's of them were here tonight.

"He did. I am not kidding," The one next to her said.

"Oh, wow. That is like, so cool."

"I know. I mean, how often is it you come up to a guy –a cute guy –and he's like 'wanna go to the movies' and you like, don't know him, but he's cute, so you go out with him." 

"I know. That is like, so cool."

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. But I still can't believe Caleb Johnson asked you out," a red headed one said.

"Was that his name?"

"Yeah. He's in high school."

"Okay…like, how older than me is he?" the blonde farthest to the door said.

"Um, about five years I think," She replied.

"Wow, that's like old."

"I know."

I rolled my eyes even harder.

I _was _enjoying myself, but I was just plain bored. I had no one to talk to. Cassie and Jake were dancing –oooh! –and Marco was doing what Marco does best. Annoy people.

"Hey, Rachel." I looked up to the sound of the voice.

Jennifer stood there. She had on a white, spaghetti shirt, a white mini skirt and some chunky, white boots. I mean, not tacky kind. I mean, these were just cool.

And so was Jennifer's hair. Her long, dark hair was pulled back in a fluffy, white ponytail.

I smiled. "Hi."

"So," She said, walking closer to me. "Having a good time yet?"

I laughed. "Are you?"

"The greatest." Then she sighed. "What have you been doing?"

"Nothing really. I mean, I don't really have anyone to talk to."

"Neither do I. Amber, Jessica, Tiffany and Lynn are mad at me. Why? I don't know."

So that was the girls names.

"Mad at you, huh?"

"Yeah. I mean, I didn't do anything. I thought everyone liked me."

I almost laughed, but I didn't. I didn't want to hurt Jennifer's feelings. Jennifer was nice enough to invite me. I didn't want to get kicked out.

"I guess not," I blurted.

She looked at me. I couldn't read the expression. 

"You know Rachel, there's this rumor going around."

"Yeah?" I'm not the gossip type. I really didn't care about some dumb rumor.

"Guess what the rumor is?" She said.

"What?"

"It's about you."

My heart stopped beating. Now, I wasn't afraid that my reputation was over. I was worried if anyone "suspected."

My hands grew sweaty and I rubbed them together.

"Oh…oh yeah? W-what kind of a r-rumor?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all," She smiled in this wicked way.

I was getting sick of Jennifer's little attitude. I mean, I say one thing –

"Just that everyone saying that you're going around, saying bad things about people."

"Like what?" I snapped.

She snorted. "I don't know. A rumor is a rumor, all right? It doesn't mean it's real." Then she added, "But I'm sure it is."

"I'm sure it's not. I don't go around, saying stuff about people like you guys do."

"Huh?"

"I mean, I heard you and Amber talking about some girls dress. And you accuse me of doing that?"

"Look, _Rachel_, it's not that big a deal, all right?"

"Yes it is. Do you know who started it?"

She shrugged. "I get the stuff, okay? I don't know where it came from. I just know it!"

To tell you the truth, I didn't care about the rumor. I mean, c'mon. That's the smallest, most petty little thing I've heard yet. Someone was desperate to make me look bad. But I was mad about Jennifer's attitude and that she'd told me. I mean, if I knew something about her, I wouldn't tell.

"If I knew a rumor, I wouldn't tell you," I said.

"Uh-huh." She walked off across the floor, over to some more people. But by now, I was angry. And I wasn't enjoying myself.

I watched Jennifer over, standing there, acting like she was all that. She wasn't. I didn't think she looked great any more. A rat's butt looked better.

She laughed, and starting saying stuff I couldn't hear over the loud music and talking. But she was talking.

She turned around from her little group and walked back to me.

She looked happy. "Guess what Rachel?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, what?"

"You don't have to get all mad, okay? I was going to tell you something."

"Then tell me. It's not like I'm doing anything," I snapped.

"Well, guess what?"

"I thought we were past that."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't understand."

"Maybe I don't," I said.

"Jeff Sarrows has a crush on you!" She cried, announcing it out loud.

"Shut!" I cried. "Not the whole world has to know."

"I know. But they're going to." She smiled wickedly. I didn't like Jennifer anymore.

"You wouldn't," I gasped. This wasn't anything anyone needed to know. I didn't like Jeff. He was a total jerk.

"Oh, but I would."

"No…" I said. My life would be over. I know that isn't too big…but it embarrassed me. I don't know why.

She took off, walking up to the microphone up on a small platform. 

"May I have your attention, please?"

Everyone looked up. I shrank back. I'm a fearless warrior. But I just felt weak.

"Um, I have an announcement. Jeff Sarrows likes Rachel____ and Rachel… likes Jeff too! They're the perfect couple!"

I could have killed Jennifer at this point. Which I was about to do.

"That is all," She concluded, stepping off the platform onto the ground again.

I started to walk over to her. I don't know why I didn't stop myself.

And as I walked, some people looked at me. I thought about what I would do to Jennifer. I didn't like Jeff. 

As I walked, I spotted Jeff. He had the same expression I must have had: anger.

I thought of punching her, spewing her guts all over the floor. But that was too messy. Punching her in her nose? No, the carpet was too pretty.

I could just take a knife or any other sharp object and shove it –no, I didn't want to go to jail.

Or I could just make a similar announcement.

I finally got to Jennifer.

"What do you think you're doing?" She hissed, stopping me.

"What you did."

"You wouldn't!" She cried.

"Oh," I said, smiling. Enjoying my revenge. "But I would."

I told them to turn the music down. 

"I have an announcement to make," I said, grinning like an idiot the whole time. "Jennifer Harp, the preppy little piece of something hosting this party, standing to my left, is in love with…" I scanned my choices. Someone I didn't like. Someone I had to get back. Ah-HAH!

"Gary Summbers."

Jennifer gasped. She ran on the platform next to me. 

"Well, I heard Rachel was kissing Jeff –"

"And I hear rumors that Jennifer is an idiot! Jennifer, is that true?" I asked.

She got a shocked look on her face. "Outside." 

"What?" I snapped. 

"Outside," She whispered, grabbing my arm. I grabbed it back from her.

And as like a fool, I followed her outside.

We stood on her front lawn, night bugs sounding all around us.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"What do you think _you're_ doing? I don't like Jeff. He's an idiot."

"And at least I'm not, unfortunately, you weren't blessed with that."

"Oh, shut up." I was vibrating now.

Jennifer looked at me and read me like a book.

"Okay, you and me. Right now."

"_WHAT?_" Was this idiot suggesting we fight? I mean; her butt was as good as kicked.

"You heard, Roachel. Us, now."

"Okay." I could kick her scrawny behind to Japan.

She shot out her fist, tagging me in my head. It stung, but I'd live. I love a good fight.

I jumped at her, snagging her ankles. She dropped like a brick to the cold, dewy grass.

She kicked my hands, causing me to release. She climbed to her feet faster than I did.

I stood up and gave her a kick in the stomach.

"OOF!" She cried, grabbing her stomach. I ran over and knocked her in the back with my fist. I fight dirty.

She fell down, still holding her stomach. I kicked her in her sides.

She screamed and grabbed my leg.

I came down, and bit her hand.

She pulled it back.

I didn't bother getting up. I crawled over to her and sat on her.

She rolled over and grabbed my shirt and punched me in my eye.

"Arrgggghhhh!" I screamed, clutching my eye. I stood up and stumbled back.

She grabbed me with a hand and shot out her fist.

It got me in the nose. So, here I was, _Xena: Warrior Princess_, holding my eye and nose like an idiot while Princess Dumb Butt beat the living snot out of me.

After another punch in my shoulder, I decided little Jennifer needed a definite butt kicking.

I grabbed a stick I had stepped on, and raked across her head. She turned and it got her on the side. 

She screamed and slapped her hands against her head. Blood ran down her hand in a small, red stream.

Blood?

"Jennifer! Beat the living…" They said a not so nice word. "Out of Rachel!"

Jennifer wasn't interested in doing that quite yet. But it was my opportunity.

I punched her several times in the stomach while she wildly beat me on the back.

Then I felt pain.

The little witch was kicking me in my shins.

I kicked her back.

She kicked me again.

I knocked her legs out from under her.

She lay, writhing on the ground, kicking me. I kicked her and she tripped me with her legs.

I came to the ground (again) and punched her.

She shot her hand up to my head and grabbed my hair. She gave it a good yank.

I yelped, and she took an object from the ground. I didn't see what it was.

Then, hit me in the head with it.

I grabbed my forehead. I took my hand away. Blood dripped off my palm. My head a dizzy feeling.

Jennifer was going to die.

I got up, she got up. And I pushed her. She pushed me back. I pushed her even harder, causing her to step back.

Then again, I pushed her…even though I felt dizzy and lightheaded. She went back again, and again.

cornered her. She pushed me hard, knocking me two steps back. I came up, full force. I rammed her in her stomach and she tripped. Flew back into the bushes. I ran over to see. She lay there, legs and arms all over the bushes, head down in the grass. She was unconscious. It was extremely easy to see who had won this round.

But another round I wasn't in for. I touched my again and turn to walk away. I caught Cassie's eye. I looked away.

I walked down the sidewalk, oddly guilty. 

And that was my time at Jennifer's party.

****

Chapter Two

I came home tired, beaten. I didn't want my mom to see I'd been beating on Jennifer. She'd ask questions, like where were Jen's parents when this was going on. I didn't exactly tell her that they wouldn't be there.

I drew my breath in a short gasp as I opened the door and entered the house.

Jordan, Sarah, and Mom were all in the living room.

I muttered a curse word and began to haul butt up the stairs.

"Rachel? Is that you?" Mom asked. _ No, the magical fairy._

"Yeah, it's me," I said.

"How was your time at the party?"

"It was fine," I lied. I really, really didn't want anyone knowing I'd kicked Jennifer's butt. For all I know, I could have killed her.

But I did feel proud. But very guilty.

"Rachel…" My mom started. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, there isn't." 

"Ah, okay." I knew mom was worried now. I wasn't answering her.

I climbed up the stairs and went into my room. I slammed the door.

I got in bed and stared at the ceiling, very angry with Jennifer. And at me. I was stressed that I knew, but something else was wrong.

I wasn't myself.

I mean, I was Rachel, brave and proud. Self-confident. But I felt something else in mind lately. I didn't know how to describe it.

I just didn't.

I didn't known what it felt like…

Something that wasn't there before.

Then it hit me. Hit me hard. Like "Duh, Rachel! Wake up!"

I was going insane. Mad, driven mad by war.

We all knew the day would come till one of us would crack, we knew it would and quite possibly be me, but I didn't think it would come so earlier.

I was so young.

The war had just begun.

Now, I was going to be in some mental hospital with a straitjacket on.

Shaky fear ran up and down my spine.

That's why I had been so ruthless.

I was insane.

I was insane.

I was insane…

I was…

No. No. Get a grip Rachel!

I mentally slapped myself in the face, because physically I would have done more damage.

I was going insane. Very slowly, my mind would blow.

I would be mad, mentally ill, nuts. Crazy.

I flopped over, tears rising…

I grabbed a bedside mirror and looked at myself. I didn't see the pretty little Rachel staring back. A ruthless, crazed murderer stared back at me.

My heart pounded, vibrating in my ears.

I dropped the mirror to the carpet. Turned over and hugged myself.

Then I did something I thought we'd all end up doing.

I got up and walked to the window. I looked out into the stars, burning brightly against the dark, black sky and I prayed.

__

God, hey it's me. Rachel. I'd like to ask you to watch over Cassie, Tobias, Jake, Ax, Marco, my mom, Sarah, Jordan, everyone at my school, Jake, Marco, Cassie, Tobias, and Ax's families, my dad, mostly all the people in the world, Jennifer, and yes, I'd like you to watch over me God and make sure I'm all right.

I ended my prayer and got into bed again.

I felt depressed all the sudden and like the walls were closing in on me. I shut my eyes from the real harsh world around me and rocked back and forth, crying.

__

It will be all right Rachel, it's gonna be all right.

I rocked back and forth till I gently fell asleep.

I woke up around four the next day. 

I got up out of bed, the sheets tangled under me and walked into the bathroom. My feet felt cold against the tile floor as I stumbled in. Sat on the toilet. Thought.

Hours since my little break down.

Okay, maybe I _hadn't_ gone crazy, but I was losing it. That was plain to see.

And while I thought and sat on the toilet, not bothering to put the lid down, I rubbed my eyes as light shone in.

I was nuts, wasn't I? I'd gone off on Jennifer…normal humans don't do that. Then again, Rachel, you aren't a normal human.

I needed to talk to someone. Why? I don't know.

I scratched my head.

RIIIIIINNNNNGGG!

The sound caused me to jump. Stupid phone.

I stumbled into the living and picked it up.

"Hello?" I muttered.

"Rachel?" I recognized the voice. Human female. Cassie.

"Cassie?" I groaned, sitting on the couch.

"Yeah, it's me. Look, Marco just called. Him and Jake got some news from Erek…I don't know what. Jake wants us to come over…Erek got this new game…"

I smiled. We can't say anything on the phone, so we say stuff like "I got a new game, yada, yada, yada."

"I'll be there," I said, slammed the phone down and ran to my room.

Stripped my clothes off in the dark. Didn't bother turning on a light. Bathroom light was all I needed.

I slipped on my morphing outfit and focused on an owl.

Changes began. My bones crunched and shifted.

I stopped morphing. Why bother?

I stopped in mid morph and morphed back to girl.

I could walk…

Maybe a small walk would relieve all this stress bothering me.

I didn't put any clothes on. Morphing outfit was enough.

I silently walked downstairs, through the living room to the door. I paused. My hand tensed and I snagged the doorknob very quietly and turned. The door opened and I walked out.

Outside it was cold, cool. The cold stung at my bare feet. I shivered and began to walk.

I was halfway down the road when I began to think.

Maybe I was going insane. Then again, I couldn't be sane to begin with.

I laughed at my little joke. I stopped myself. It wasn't funny.

The pavement bit my bear foot like a little rabid dog gnawing away at a hand.

"Hehe. Well, Rachel." 

Here I was, this little girl in my morphing outfit, walking down the road in cold temperatures, and I was laughing.

I flung my head back and laughed.

My voice echoed through the neighborhood as I pranced around, laughing insanely.

I was insane…

I was insane…

I'd gone insane…

"I AM INSANE!!!" I called out. I wasn't myself lately. And now knew why.

I ran to the barn as fast as I could. Being insane doesn't make you any warmer.

Everyone stood there, already talking. I didn't care.

I strolled over to a hay bale and plopped down. I was tired.

"Rachel," Cassie said. 

"Hi, how ya' doing?"

Cassie nodded, and walked over to Jake. "Fill her in."

"Look Rachel," Jake said, pausing for a moment. Collecting his words. "Erek has discovered another Yeerk pool."

"A what?" I cried. There was no time to go insane now!

"A Yeerk pool. A large one."

"Where at?" I said, jumping up.

"Erek said it was located on the outskirts of town, near a small patch of trees," Jake said.

I sighed. It was the perfect place for a Yeerk pool. 

Cassie sat up from the chair she'd been in, traveling out of thought. "How do we get there?"

"Who cares about questions? Action is the key!" I said.

"A tiny bit of wisdom from Xena," Marco muttered. I ignored his remark.

"Rachel, you know we can't go barging in without a plan," Jake said.

"To heck with a plan!" 

Rachel.

I pursed my lips in a small thin line. We should have gone in. I sighed. "When does it open?"

"Erek said they have lot's of new recruits. Possibly tomorrow."

"That gives us time, that gives us time," I said. "We go in tonight, bam! Destroy the place. No Yeerk pool tomorrow."

"Rachel, he also said he don't know where in the tree's it's located," Cassie said. "Or how to get in."

"WHAT???" I cried.

Jake looked at me. I could tell he wasn't in the mood to put up with me. 

"Rachel, be quiet."

I clenched my fist.

Jake turned to everyone else, his back towards me. "Guys, we need to focus."

I cleared my throat. "I have a plan."

"And what is that, O' Mighty Rachel?" Marco asked.

"I say we destroy every tree. Either that, or we blow the place up."

"Rachel, you aren't think realistically here," Cassie said. "In reality, that doesn't happen. People could be around and get hurt."

"Who cares? We stop the Yeerks, don't we?"

"Yes, but we'd kill other people as well."

Cassie made her point clear. She didn't like my plan.

Jake sighed, a long, stressful sigh. "Any one have a real plan?"

"A real plan? Jake, I did have a real plan!" I cried.

"Rachel, exploding things isn't a plan," Jake said calmly.

"Yes it is! Or we could just –"

Prince Jake is right, Rachel. We need something helpful, Ax said.

"That was help –"

Jake gave me a Look. I quietly fumed in my own little corner.

Tobias ruffled his feathers. I have something.

"What's that?" Cassie asked.

We could fly over there and watch were the Controllers come in, He suggested.

"It opens tomorrow," I argued.

No, Controllers would be over there tonight, patching up things, Tobias shot back.

Cassie smiled. "He makes a good point."

"And a good plan," Marco added.

I was outraged. They took advice from a red-tailed hawk over me? A bird? A freak of nature? A kid trapped in the body of a bird?

My lower lip trembled. 

"Yes, Tobias make a good point, doesn't he?" I said, smiling wickedly.

Marco looked at me. "Rachel, there's something different about you tonight."

"There certainly is," I said through my clenched teeth smile.

Cassie walked over to me. Placed her hand on my shoulder. "Rachel, have you been under stress lately?"

I laughed. A non-humor laugh. "Oh, my…Cassie, she asked…haha!"

Cassie looked at me. She removed her hand.

Jake walked over to me. "Rachel, why, I don't know, but I think you should sit this one out."

"Sit this one out?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah."

I smiled again. "Okay. Okay. I'll sit this one out, all right? Won't even go."

"Cool. That was give you some time alone," Cassie said.

"I'll sit it out," I said. _Yeah right,_ I thought. The last thing I was doing was sitting out.

****

Chapter Three

I didn't go on ahead and go. No. I was going to wait.

I was waiting till they least expected me.

I walked out of the barn, didn't even morph.

I didn't want to, oh no. I was waiting till the "battle."

Of course, there wouldn't be any battle. I would start one. Like I said, I love a good fight. And I'm always looking for one.

So, I just cut through the woods, sticks, branches, logs, and briar patches, and lord knows what else was tearing at my bare human flesh.

I regretted not morphing, because by the time I even started getting into civilization, my legs were bleeding.

Not that much, but enough to do damage. 

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to feel pain. I'd have to learn to accept pain, which I almost already have. You got through pain every once and while…I wanted to go through it everyday.

I was brave, Mighty Rachel, O' Reckless One, _Xena: Warrior Princess._ The bravest of the bravest. The mightiest.

The strongest.

And I was the toughest.

I could deal with anything.

Anything that came in my way, I would take it down.

I would survive anything. No one challenged me and lived. Or won. I'd win every time. I was Rachel.

Okay, so I was thinking to myself, building up my confidence. I was Rachel; I was the strongest there ever was. I was a warrior.

I would kill! Kill to win, that is.

The Yeerks wouldn't win this round, oh no. I would.

I would win everything. I could win everything. I should win everything, that is.

I mean, I am Rachel, aren't I? Always ready for the battle, of course.

"Let's do it!" Was my motto, of course.

I would win this, they wouldn't.

The others would bow before me, Rachel the O' Mighty…the hero who saved our butts and lived to tell about it!

Okay, maybe they wouldn't do that. Jake would crawl all over me, lecturing me to follow orders. Jake was nothing. He wasn't an obstacle anymore. I was my own person, and I didn't follow orders anymore.

Jake was absolutely nothing. I've been through pain, death horror and Jake wasn't one of those things.

I laughed. I could just hear it now.

"Rachel, why did you do that? You could have killed us!" Jake would say.

Cassie, being Cassie, would rush to Jake's side. "Jake's right, Rachel. We can't risk anything."

Marco would say some comment about me being Xena. 

Tobias would tell me it's all right.

Ax would talk about honor.

That's _exactly_ what they would do.

Typical them.

__

Typical you, Rachel, the voice in my head said. _You'll argue and make stupid points. You'll say it was for the better. Typical you. _

You're right! I thought.

The voice was right. I would say stuff like that.

But, I could avoid them.

A plan grew in my mind. 

Yes, I could. I could…I could…just not come back after the mission. And then go where? They'd find me at my house.

Run away? Yes, that was a quite a nice option.

Yeah…yeah…I'd run away.

Never come back. I'd die from lectures. But not just from Jake.

From my parents…what would they think? 

Would they think I was dead? Kidnapped? Just plain ran away?

Would they miss me? Would I miss them?

Would anyone miss me?

Would that make the Yeerks even more suspicious than they are already?

So many unanswered questions. No one to answer them but myself. But I didn't have the answers.

No one did, I guess. One of those "wait and see" deals.

No, one of those "go ahead and do" options.

Yeah, that's what I would do.

Just go ahead and do it. That would be nice. Just run there, kill and fight, and run away.

No one would know what I would be.

But were would go after there? To the city? Live the life of a criminal, stealing and killing to live.

What if I was killed? What then?

Stop with the questions!

Questions…everything would go wrong…

No, Rachel. Focus. 

Everything would turn out all right.

__

My plan –my plan –would work. Theirs wouldn't. I'd be the one to come out alive. I would survive. 

My plan would work. Just bust up and kick butt.

Now there's a plan.

Watching where Controllers come in isn't. For all we know, they could know it was us, and have some kind of fake pool…no, that was just stupid. And paranoid.

What then? What happens after they see the Controllers?

Organized plan not.

__

I was the one with the plan.

I, as I said, would make it out.

No one but me. That kind of triumph, that kind of win made me feel proud. Feel good about myself.

I could do anything.

But waiting wasn't easy. Oh, no. Waiting is never easy.

Especially when it's something you really want to do: kick Yeerk butt.

That exactly what I was placed on this earth for.

To fight. God knew my purpose.

Duh, of course He did. Did I? Yeah.

I thought and pondered as I walked up to my house. I opened the door. Looked around.

Mom wasn't there, Sarah and Jordan weren't there. No duh, it was already 8:00.

I was late for school, but of course a Chee had gone in my place. I thought. Maybe Jake had contacted Erek.

Probably. Four hours was enough.

Well, since I wasn't going to school, and I wasn't going on the mission (just yet) I decided to watch TV. Maybe something was on. I went into the living room, picked up the remote and flopped onto the couch. Turned on the TV. Flipped channels. Nickelodeon, MTV, Game Show Network…nothing.

I rolled over on the couch.

This wasn't working out at all.

Not at all.

Focus Rachel. What do you…?

Then it hit me hard.

DUH!!!

I could go early. Surprise everyone.

No mission left, nothing.

I'd already done it.

__

But wait Rachel, what if you get in trouble? 

I cursed at the voice in the back of my head.

I hate when stuff backfires.

Just hate it.

Stupid voice in the back of my head! Stupid!

Oh, well. Thank you for pointing it out for me.

I would have never found it. I'm smart. Yeah, I would have realized a flaw in my plan.

I guess all leaders do. Only, I'm not a leader.

I was just a girl.

Ah, yes, but a Warrior Girl.

Cool name for a super hero. Warrior Girl.

I pondered if there was a Warrior Girl. She could wear leather, have blond hair…like me, only minus the leather.

She could have super strength and be able to fly.

Oh, wow. What a coincidence. 

I could have super strength and be able to fly. I have blond hair. 

I laughed and looked around.

The man on TV was looking at me. 

"Aw, shut up!" I said, and flung the remote at the TV. It missed and skidded under the table.

Great, I'd have to go and get it.

No, I'd waited long enough. They should be there by now.

They should be.

If not, I'd wait more.

And more.

What if they never came?

Then they never came.

But I did.

****

Chapter Four

I had on my morphing outfit. Thought about morphing bird. Thought about it.

Didn't do it.

I needed power. Loads of power.

A grizzly bear could deliver that. I needed to be able to rip heads off. Grizzly was there.

I focused on the DNA in me. DNA, neat word.

Brown, shaggy fur coursed its way up my arm. Snakes it's way down my body. My face stretched out, getting longer and longer still. Grizzly teeth clamped over human.

My eyes got grew and shifted around.

My hands grew long, hands claws on the end.

Feet grew out, getting longer and bigger.

Organs shifted around, bones crunched. Gross sound.

My ears flew to the top of my head, growing and twisting.

Almost over, almost over.

Then, the mind came.

It's hard to control new morphs. And old morphs.

But the grizzly felt power. Sheer strength.

I could lift a car, maybe. That what I felt like.

Strong.

I looked out the door, tried to open it and lumbered along till I got to the woods.

I went into the woods, into the undergrowth.

I could deal. I could deal with anything.

I stepped over a small log, blocking my way. No problem.

I was powerful. Mighty. I was Rachel, in the body of a bear.

Oh, yes, I was mighty.

I walked deeper in the woods, but tried not to lose the highway. Maybe people could see me. Maybe not, but if so they'd probably report it.

Then maybe, they might see me morph.

The headlines? 'Young girl turns into beast'. Okay, that's not that creative. Or something like, 'Mutant child turns rough, true story of girl gone grizzly'.

I laughed. I didn't care. Okay, maybe I did care. But not that much.

By the way, I was indeed Rachel.

I could make it!

I would fight…and I couldn't wait.

Blood everywhere, gory cuts, screams of pain and agony as those doomed to die and cry out.

My kind of thing.

Now, I wasn't being evil or mean.

I wanted those Yeerks dead.

And I would have those Yeerks dead.

I was off to save the world. Or destroy it. Maybe. Maybe on the destroying part. 

I walked along the highway. 

I couldn't remember were along the highway.

TSEEEW!!!

Huh?

The branch above me cracked and fell.

I dashed out of its path, into some bushes.

A Hork-Bajir stood there. He didn't see me, I hoped. No, no. He didn't. He turned around and walked the other way.

I could follow him.

I quietly walked out of the bushes as quietly as a grizzly can and walked. I kept my eyes trained on the back.

Follow the Bladed Hork-Bajir. 

Yeah.

He walked, trying to stay hidden in the begins of the forest.

I did too.

He turned. I turned.

He came to the pool, walked over and picked something up.

I stayed in the woods and watched.

I could just bust up in there, and get shot.

Or I could go in the silent attack. I chose silent attack.

First, I morphed back to my pretty self. Just as the fur was disappearing, I began to focus on something deadly but quiet. Wolf.

Perfect.

I felt changes occur. But I wasn't focused on that a lot. I was focused on whether or not anyone could see me.

I was almost wolf.

I looked around. I'd go for the lady, who seemed to be in charge. Then for something else.

After the lady, I'd take down the Taxxon.

Then it would begin.

I'd kick some butt here and there, and figure out how in the world to blow up the Yeerk pool.

Then I saw something that caught my attention.

No, it wasn't. Was it?

I looked harder.

Bingo.

A small crate of explosives lay there. Dynamite.

I could do that.

I went up to the lady, who was standing in front of the crate. I'd never get past her… oh, yes I would.

I'd take her down, grab her by the shirt. I crept up behind her, and just went at her.

"Umppph?" The poor thing didn't have a chance.

She was dead before I could say anything. A tiny, small pool of blood collected to her side.

Poor girl was about 16, maybe.

Never had a chance.

Well, war can be cruel.

Take no prisoners.

I slowly morphed back to human, tired. I was tired. Not from lack of sleep…but from morphing. It wears you out.

I snatched as many as I could from the crate and stuff them down my shirt.

Now, the only thing in the way was the Hork-Bajir.

I could blow him up…

Rachel? a voice echoed in my head.

"AHHHH!!!" I screamed and slapped my hand over my mouth.

Rachel, you said you'd stay behind! Jake cried.

"Well, I lied, okay?" I whispered.

Rachel…

"What?"

That's exactly what I was going to ask you, Jake said.

"Yeah?"

Yeah. What are you doing?

"Exploding the Yeerk pool. Why?"

WHHHHAAAATTTT??? Marco now. Rachel, that's not…

"Yeah, I know. A nice idea. But I like it."

Yeah, but you can't do it.

"Watch me."

And how, dear Warrior, do you propose you get in? Marco asked.

I shrugged. "Simple. Crawl by him."

Rachel, we can't let you do this. Marco, Cassie, someone demorph and stop her.

"Why don't you Jake?"

Because, we have a plan to follow and orders to give out. I'm needed here.

"Doesn't look like it."

Look, Rachel. You can't blow up the Yeerk pool. It's inhuman! Some one…oh, for the love of…I'm demorphing. Don't do anything stupid.

I could get in while he was demorphing.

I began to crawl away.

Jake told you not to do anything stupid! Cassie said.

"This ain't stupid," I said.

I crawled behind him while he did something. Don't know or care what. There was an entrance, like a stairway or something.

I got up and walked down it.

It got colder as I walked, colder still.

The ceiling above me suddenly was dirt. 

I pressed against the wall as I entered.

No problem. There wasn't anyone in there at the time. All in other rooms, doing other things.

__

Hahahahahahaha! I thought as I dashed to the Yeerk pool.

I pulled the dynamite from my shirt and dropped it to the floor. Dust flew up from the cold, cement floor.

I looked around for something, anything to light it with.

I liked good old fashioned…

Movement!

The rise and fall of feet sounded far from me. Not much time to work.

Then, I saw it. As if by magic, I saw it.

A match! I grabbed it and lit it. Flung the dynamite into the Yeerk pool. And ran.

I ran and ran.

"Get down!!!" I screamed to my friends, all birds in the trees.

And the Controllers around us didn't see it coming.

The explosion erupted.

I was all the way across the road by then, my friends flying overhead, Jake beside me.

I watched as the place blew, just blew. Rocks, dirt everything blew.

It was magical and wonderful to watch. But I didn't think Jake had the same impression, oh no.

He had this horrified look, like he couldn't believe it.

Anyway, it was over like that. No Yeerk pool, no harm. To us that is.

Jake just stared. He couldn't believe I'd thought up this plan.

It was just so wonderful. I wallowed in my pride. It felt good to have achieved something.

Ohhhh… I heard Cassie say above. Noooo…

"Oh, yes!" I exclaimed.

I can't believe she did that…all those Controller…did anyone see anyone we knew?

I didn't see anyone. All Hork-Bajir, and other high ranking Controllers, Tobias said.

I know. Oh, Rachel how could you? Cassie said.

Then, suddenly, darkness crept over pride. Everything felt dark. Dark pressed against me.

I felt instantly guilty.

I couldn't believe had just did that. I could believe…

"I'm…I'm…sorry…" I mumbled to Jake.

He didn't look at me. He kept his eyes trained across the road. "It's too late now."

I felt tears come on. How horrible…

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it…"

"Yes, Rachel," Jake said darkly. "You did."

I breathed out, my breath coming out in a shaky gasp.

It was so horrible.

I was so horrible.

I began to walk away.

"Rachel," Jake said. "I want to see you. In the barn."

I nodded. He knew and I knew what was coming.

Cassie flew over there. Be glad Rachel.

"Huh?"

People survived. Lot's of them. It seems only some people died, mostly Hork-Bajir.

That must have been what I heard in there. Hork-Bajir.

I sniffed in. 

"I'm so sorry."

Jake moved his head. "Let's go."

I nodded, not wanting to stay here. I could hear confusion, shouts and stuff coming from the road. 

I just felt horrible.

****

Chapter Five

As soon as we got into the barn, everyone demorphed. I couldn't watch. I was so horrified at what I'd done.

It was now around 11:00 in the day.

After everyone was finished, Jake began.

"Rachel, you and I know that was wrong."

"I know! Man, you don't think I know by now what I did was wrong? I'm sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't bring people back to life Rachel. You've got a lot to learn."

"About what?" I snapped.

Jake shook his head. "For one thing, how to control you temper. Another is common sense." Jake was obviously angry.

I could tell.

"Like I don't have common sense," I said.

"You don't. You never really have. Common sense tells people things. So does a Conscience. You obviously don't have one."

"Of course I do."

Cassie closed her eyes, tears dripping down her face. "Rachel, I can't believe what you did –"

"Cassie, it's over, okay!? Leave me alone about it!"

Marco walked over to me. "Rachel, what you've done will travel with you for the rest of your life. And Jake is right. You don't think sensible. You think what you think is right." I was shocked hearing this from Marco. I guess everyone has his or her serious times.

I did. I guess Marco did.

I shuffled my feet.

Jake suddenly grew angry, a very un-Jake like thing.

"Rachel…You know we all love you as a friend, but we're also very upset." He stopped. "You went in there as a human, didn't you? You could have given away you secret and they're probably looking for a blond girl!"

"I'm sorry! What else can I say?"

"Nothing!"

I was soooo angry. I had to punch something. I felt the urge well up inside me.

I glared at Marco. Why? I don't know.

I hate Marco.

"Rachel, stop staring at me," he said.

"Shut up, Marco," I snapped.

"You first." He was mad at me too.

Everyone was.

For a moment, no one said anything. I don't know why.

"Rachel," Marco said.

I didn't answer him. I stared at the ground and pretended to be in thought like everyone else.

"Rachel," Marco repeated, using more urgency in his voice.

I still didn't answer him. I didn't have to.

"Rachel, are you deaf?" he said.

I looked up. "No, Marco. Shut up."

"I want to ask you something."

"Jake, tell him to shut up," I said, turning to face Jake.

He shook his head slowly.

"Fine then, Marco. You win." I wasn't interested in fighting. I'd done enough. Besides, Cassie was about to be a waterfall.

I guess she felt sorry for me.

Or the people.

"Rachel," Marco stated.

"I thought we were beyond that," I said.

He ignored me. "Sometimes I wonder about things. One of those is if Britney Spears would go out with me. Another is emotions."

I snorted a laugh, getting a bad look from Cassie. "_You_ think about emotions? You're a guy."

"Guys can think too, you know," Jake said, rescuing Marco.

"Jake's right. We can and will think. And I think about you."

I smiled. So, Marco thought about me in his spare time.

"I sometimes wonder if you experience pain, sadness, or guilt."

"Marco, I'm a human. I experience all those things."

Cassie wiped her eyes. "You know, Rachel, you haven't been yourself lately."

"Duh, she hasn't," Marco said. "She's gone insane! Oooh!"

"No she hasn't," Cassie argued.

"Yeah, I believe she has."

"No, she's fine." Cassie turned and faced me. "You are, aren't you?

"No, Cassie, you're wrong," I said, lowering my head. 

Every head turned.

"What?"

"I am insane."

Jake shook his head. "No, you're just depressed."

"No, I'm insane."

"You aren't insane, Rachel. I'm insane. Do you see little green men? No. Hear things? No," Marco said.

"You don't have to hallucinate to be crazy," Jake said. "You could just be insane, like some killers."

I felt a shiver go down my back.

"Like me, huh?" I said quietly. "I'm just nuts."

Cassie stood up. "Rachel, stop it. You're normal." She looked around to everyone else. "She's normal, all right?"

Normal isn't the word. None of us are normal, Tobias said.

"Fine then. Rachel is _fine_."

Rachel is suffering from what is known as mental illness, Ax said suddenly. You can tell from her behavior.

"Thank you, Dr. Ax for telling us that." I didn't want anyone to know I'd lost all sanity…I was hours from breaking down.

You are welcome, Rachel. However, you might have to be placed in…what is it called again? A straitjacket, is it?

We all laughed, despite the darkness around us, we laughed.

It was funny.

I didn't need a straitjacket. They don't do anything.

What I needed was some help.

Cassie sighed suddenly. "Well, I think Rachel's okay."

Marco groaned. "No, as we went through before, Rachel is now officially the Psycho Warrior Girl…thing."

I was suddenly mad at Marco.

I was suddenly mad at everyone.

Now was the time to run. I could feel it.

I walked over towards the barn door.

"Where are you going?" Marco demanded.

"I'm leaving," I said, stepping out into the sun.

"You can't."

I turned around on one foot and faced Marco.

"For now on, Marco, sleep with your eyes open." And that was the last time I saw them.

****

Chapter Six

I was in the woods, running from the barn, branches again scraping at my ankles.

I was so guilty.

Yeah, I was running away from everything. I ran and ran.

The light flashed in through the trees and seeped into my open eyes.

It was about 1:00 now.

I was scared.

It was pure daylight now.

I didn't care.

I just ran.

Where to? The city. Maybe I could dance for pennies. Or morph.

No, think sensible.

What would Cassie do?

Who cares what Cassie would do. Jake?

He'd turn back. Marco would go ahead and try to land a job as a stand up comedian.

I don't know what Tobias would do. Ax would think it dishonorable and go back.

But the question was, what would Rachel do? No one knew what Rachel would do but Rachel.

But I was Rachel and I didn't know what to do.

I was insane little child running from everything. Nothing would stop me now.

I didn't morph or anything.

I just ran and ran. And ran till I was ready to pass out.

But I didn't. I just started walking, totally out of energy. I could morph.

No, I didn't want to do that.

I was Rachel and I was –aw, who cared anymore?

I didn't care anymore. What was done was done. And I couldn't go back and change anything, could I now? We always regret our actions after they're done.

Always.

I regretted exploding the Yeerk pool. People died and it was my fault. There was no doubt no one would forgive me now. It was too late. But then again, it's never too late to apologize. I remember someone told me, do people really know they're nuts? How?

Well, first sign is your paranoid, and kinda have an evil, pessimistic outlook. Then you kill things all the time and think war is funny.

Then you now you're crazy.

Not you, but me.

That's how I knew. I was crazy and I knew it.

Marco knew it, Cassie didn't want to, but she did, Jake and Ax and Tobias did. Oh, Tobias!

How could I leave him? Leave everyone wondering what happened to little Rachel?

Never see my smiling -??? –Face again.

Never hear me.

See me.

I'd be gone.

There would be lots of tears, mostly from my mom and Cassie. Tobias probably, Ax, no, Jake, yeah, and even Marco.

They'd miss me. And I'd miss them.

I already did. 

And here I was, in the woods, walking to the city.

To find what, my destiny? No, nothing. Nothing was there for me.

Why the city? No one would find me there.

And then, if anyone got on my trail, I'd cover it up by moving to another state.

I'd never let anyone find me.

I would be content by myself, a crazy street person. That would be cool.

I neared the city.

Tall buildings, traffic, business people…everywhere. Cars honked as afternoon traffic built up. People bustled everywhere, walking all over the sidewalks, into shops, buildings cars…there's just no way to describe it.

It was cool.

I tried to blend in with everyone, walk the way they did.

There was no way…

I went with the flow, going wherever it took me.

"Ugh!" I said as my chest was elbowed. The man kept on walking.

"Idiot."

I picked myself up off the hard concrete before I was trampled and brushed myself off.

Minor setback.

"OOF!" I was slung against the wall. "Watch it!"

No, Rachel. This is the real world. No one cares for you but yourself.

That was it. 

I put both arms in front of me and shoved my way through.

"Watch it kid!" A man snapped.

"Teens today!"

I liked hearing this. I continued to shove and push.

Maybe there was a nice ally I could hide out in for the time being.

Yeah, right.

A man with a huge briefcase came swinging up. I tried to avoid him…that briefcase looked hard.

But it was no use.

"Ahhh!" I said as I flew into a dark, damp ally. I stumbled backwards, swinging my arms around.

I fell on my butt.

My head hit concrete. All, for a minute, I could do was stare up above. Tall buildings blocked my view of the afternoon sky.

I rolled over. "Ugh."

Stood up and once again, brushed dirt and who else knows off my butt. I began to walk out into the crowd.

"Hey, were are you going?"

I jumped about a foot in the air. Spun around. "Who said that?"

"I did."

A man, possibly 20, stepped from the dark shadows.

"Who are you?" I demanded. 

I didn't know who this guy was. A killer? Would he kidnap me?

I stood there, shaking.

"Hey, kid, you okay?"

I collected myself. If I was to live among them, I would act like them.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"Uh-huh. Not from the city, huh?" Why was he questioning me?

"It's none of your business," I snapped.

He shrugged. "Okay."

"Okay, what?" I demanded.

"Okay, I get the sense you wanna be left alone. Fine."

I nodded. 

I began to walk back out.

"Of course, you'll never survive it out there."

I spun around and stared at the man.

"Who says?" I began, pointing a finger at my chest. "I'm tough."

Okay, maybe I didn't look tough, but I was a warrior.

"You tough?"

"Yeah, I can make it on my own. I'm a big girl," I said. 

"I wouldn't be so sure."

I bit my lip from saying something I really shouldn't. Oh, yeah. I was getting sick of him. Who was he?

"Who are you?" I snapped suddenly.

"Whoa! Calm down! I can help."

I shook my head. "I don't want your help." Then I added something. "No one does."

Ooops, that slipped right out.

"Ah, okay. So, where are you from?"

"Wherever I'm from. It's none of your business."

"It's plenty my business."

"And how?"

"See, I can help you."

"I said I don't want help." But I was too curious. "What kind of help?"

"Whatever kind you need."

I was beginning to like this.

"Wait, you aren't going to offer me any drugs, are you?"

"No, no." He paused. "Why did you come here?"

"I'm running away."

"Not a bad choice."

"Thanks."

"What you running from?"

"Just…nothing. Life, I guess." Why was I getting all personal? He could take out a gun and shoot me!

__

Watch what you say.

"I can help you survive the harsh world. Self defense." He patted himself on the chest.

" Uh-huh. Like what kind?" I asked.

"This." He reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a gun.

"Don't shoot meeeee!" I cried. "Please! Don't kill meeee!"

He laughed. A very understanding laugh.

I looked at him. Then looked around. "What?"

"You."

"Huh?"

"I'm not going to shoot you."

"Then what, this garbage can?" I said, using my hand to point to a green, plastic garbage can.

"No, this is for you."

He couldn't mean…

"The gun? For me?"

"Yeah."

I didn't have any money on me.

"How…how much?" I said. "I'm don't exactly have any –"

"It's free."

I narrowed me eyes at him. "Does it even shoot?"

"Yeah, of course. Now why would I give you a broken gun?"

I shrugged. 

"Here." He walked over to me and placed it in my hand. "Take it."

I smiled. "Thanks. Uh…"

"Call me John."

"Thanks John." I shoved it down my shirt. Began to walk back.

I spun around. "By the way," I began. He wasn't a Controller. If he were, he'd ask me to join the Sharing. "I'm Rachel."

"Neat name. Bye, Rachel."

I grinned. This was getting better and better.

****

Chapter Seven

I went back into the world with a gun. Did it have bullets? Who cared? I could scare people with it. Oh, it was sooooo sweet.

Hehe.

I went into the world, the harsh real world.

No one cared for Rachel. I cared for Rachel.

Goodness, I was Rachel.

So, I walked out.

Through the crowd of people coming home from work.

Past little coffee shops, small bookstores, corner diners…all the made up this city.

Glass entrances to skyscrapers, dark ally ways…

Cool stuff.

I would like it here.

Live in the streets, take care of myself. The other wouldn't think to look here. That's what was so sweet about it.

I thought about making a scene and taking out that gun, pointing it at people, scaring them enough to get out of my way.

Nah, that would be lazy.

I had to push my way around.

Ah, yes. The blond Rachel, little Mrs. Mean and Perfect Dresser. The one all the boys threw themselves at. All the girls envied. The one who got good grades. That one was no more.

I wasn't acting all mean. I wasn't going to be like that.

I would be myself, which is very frightening.

Very scary.

Haha.

I was insane.

And I loved it.

I mean, I always thought one of us would blow. Marco, for just being himself. Jake, for being the leader. Cassie, killing things would make her lose it.

Tobias as a bird. Ax being trapped on another planet. I, for being Rachel. The psycho babe. Xena. The crazed killer. 

I was a crazed killer, wasn't I?

Don't answer that.

I walked barefoot across the pavement. It hurt, but hey, I'm Rachel!

A girl came walking past me fast. I could see her barely; she had sunglasses and a hat on.

But she was female.

She bumped into me. Bad move.

I shoved her back. She fell back into everyone.

People yelled at her, at me and just plain yelled.

The girl got up and shoved me against the wall. She plays hard, I play hard.

I grabbed her by her hand and slung her.

She fell and jumped up again.

Punched me. Who cared? I had a gun. I removed it from my shirt and slammed her back up to the wall.

Shoved the gun to her head. She screamed a good sound. She was still alive.

"Take one more step, anyone and her brains meet the ground in a not nice way!" I cried.

People moved back.

"She gonna shoot the girl!"

"Oh, my!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Someone help the girl!"

"What's happening?"

"She going to shoot the girl!"

"Who is?"

"The girl!"

"The girl gonna shoot the girl?"

"Yes!"

Madness! Everyone yelling at once, including the girl.

Ha-HAH!

Then a woman came pushing through the crowd.

"Where's my daughter? Where's my daughter at?" So, this was her daughter? Cool.

"Someone call the police!"

"I am!" About five voices yelled.

Oh, great. The cops.

I could deal.

I pointed the gun closer to the girl, in her ear now.

The hat and glasses fell. Then girl stood there, no hat or glasses.

I knew the girl.

I knew the face, the body, the hair.

The attitude.

Jennifer Harp. It was Jennifer.

"Oh," I whispered. "Things just got better."

Indeed they had.

Now Jennifer was shaking.

"Rachel?"

"Jennifer."

"Oh…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I didn't want to deal with Jennifer today.

"Mommy!" Jennifer cried, seeing her mom. Her mom stepped forward.

"One more step and kablam!" I said.

She stepped back.

Jennifer looked at me. "What kind of sick joke is this, Rachel?"

I grinned insanely. "This isn't a joke."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"You're hurting her!"

No, I wasn't. I was simply scaring her.

"Someone help me!" Jennifer cried, panicking.

"Shut up," I said. "Or death will come sooner than you think."

"SOMEONE HELP ME!!!" Jennifer waved her arms back and forth.

"Stop it!" I said. "You might make my finger slip."

Jennifer stopped waving her arms so wildly.

"Help…" She pleaded.

"When will the police get here?"

Suddenly, as if by magic, sirens wailed in the distance.

"Thank you," Jennifer whispered through tears.

The cop cars skidded in front of the shop we were in front of.

Cops climbed out.

"Drop the gun!" One shouted, pointing his at me.

I shook my head.

I could morph if shot.

"I said drop the gun!"

"I don't think so."

__

Click, click.

Okay, maybe I could… I let the gun slip from my fingers. The police circled around me and I kick myself at night for this. I had time to run, but that would make it worse.

I stood there, hands up while Jennifer ran back to her mommy.

I hate being busted. I felt angry with the cops. I wasn't really going to shoot her.

I just felt so much anger.

The dumb cops…

I couldn't describe it.

Well, you know how on TV when someone's cornered by a person with a gun and how it so scary and you want the cops to get there?

And how you're so relived when they do get there?

You ever just wanted the bad guy to win? I did. Since I was the bad guy. Bad Rachel.

Haha.

They hand cuffed me with some totally tacky looking cuffs and shoved me in a car. Started it up. People watched me as we drove away.

My face burned.

I was embarrassed, yet I was proud.

Jennifer had it coming.

As we drove, the cop tried to ask questions.

See I wasn't in a cooperating mood.

I naturally didn't answer.

"What's your name?"

"What it is."

"Where are you parents?"

"Where they are."

"What is your phone number?"

"What it is."

He looked sick of my attitude. He had the right.

"Look, I want answer, okay? We need to contact your parents. Now what is your name?"

"Rachel," I said through clenched teeth.

"Your whole name," He said.

"First is all you need to know."

He could be a Controller.

He kinda looked at me. "You're too young to do stuff like this."

"Yeah."

"Have you ever been to jail before?"

My heart thudded in my chest so loud you could hear it.

"No, I haven't," I answered. "This was my first time."

"Where did you get the gun?"

"Some guy gave it to me."

"His name?"

"He said it was John."

"When I was mentioning jail, you might go there. You've never been there before, have you?"

"As I said, no," I said. "And I'm not going to."

There, in that car, going along the road, I fell to the floor and morphed.

I morphed a fly.

My eyes bulged out of my head.

It was too gross.

I wanted to hear that policeman scream. He looked at me and screamed. And screamed.

"Stop that!"

I shook my head. My mouth was forming.

I don't think so.

He screamed even louder.

I was finished morphing. I began to fly out the window.

He didn't have a chance to roll it up.

Oh, yeah, if you tell anyone this, I'm coming for you.

He nodded and just kinda screamed.

Heck, I would to. I flew up into the air.

Another escape.

It felt good.

HONK!!! HONK!!!  
Huh?

I turned in mid air and looked back.

The police car was skidding towards another car. The woman screamed and tried to get away.

The police car hit the side. A truck hit the police car. A mini van hit the truck. A green car hit the mini van. Three more cars, one white, one black, one red all smashed into the green car and mini van and each other. Soon, very soon, cars were screeching to a halt, hitting other cars.

Cars caught on fire.

It was more madness than the "gun scene."

Another car flew to the sidewalk, almost hitting an elderly lady.

I watched, laughing. It was so funny.

I laughed again and headed on out.

I didn't really care about the cars anymore.

****

Chapter Eight

I was a fly now, flying around madly.

I was trying to get away from the scene, all those cars. I'd done enough damage and now to do some more. I didn't have a gun or any money. I would get either somehow.

I demorphed in an empty garbage can.

Walked out into the mild bustling, now dying down.

I needed money for the pay phone.

"Please, I need to call home!" I said, sidling up to people.

They ignored me.

"Please, I need to call home!" I called again. "Will someone help me?"

A lady, pushing a stroller, came walking by.

I ran after her. "Please ma'am, I need some money to call home." She looked at me and dug in her purse. "Here." She handed me some change. I said thanks and ran back to the phone.

This was easy.

I dialed Cassie's number.

Rung once.

Rung twice.

"Hello?" It was Cassie's mom.

She knew my voice on the phone.

"Um," I said, cleared my throat. "This is Jane Lee from school, and I need to homework assignment…Can I speak to Cassie?"

"Sure." Then I heard. "Casssssiiiee!"

"Coming!"

There was a shuffle.

"Hello?"

"Hi Cassie this is me, Rachel."

"Ra- oh, hi."

"To your mom I'm Jane Lee."

"How is everything, Jane?"

I looked around to make sure no one could hear me. 

"I'm fine. Look, is anyone looking for me?"

I knew this phone call was an accident waiting to happen.

"Yeah." I heard something unzip. "I'm looking for the assignment right now. Where is it?"

"Cassie, I'm somewhere…I can't tell you."

"Oh, here it is. Now, what? Oh, wow."

Her mom must not have been to far from the phone.

"I'm saying goodbye."

"Mom…!" Cassie called. "This is a private conversation."

"Oh," Said her mom. "Sorry."

After she'd left, Cassie talked again.

"Where are you?" She demanded.

I looked around again. "Look, Cassie, I can't tell you."

"You can tell me anything."

"I can't this time. Not over the phone. Look, I just called to say I'm all right. So, don't freak out or anything."

Cassie sighed. "You're okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You have food, water, a place to stay…"

I laughed. "You're sounding like my mom."

She laughed too. "Sorry. When will you be back?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not? Where are you? I hear cars…the highway? Did you go there?"

"No, I just can't say. I'll be back. Don't look for me. Give me some time alone."

"I thought not going gave you time."

Cassie couldn't say 'mission.'

"Yeah, I know. It's gone, okay?"

"Look, okay, I know you're somewhere…are you all right? I mean, we were so worried."

"I didn't kill myself, if that's it."

"Yeah, I know. But, don't do anything stupid."

My heart pounded. I'd done plenty of stupid things here. I couldn't tell her about the gun, the cars…

"I haven't…" I lied.

"Rachel, I know you."

__

Maybe too well, I thought.

"And I know your survival skills. You'll do anything."

"Yeah, I know."

"We all miss you."

"I know. It's not like I'm never coming back," I said.

"Well…"

"Cassie, is there something wrong?"

"No."

"Is there?"

"No, I just miss you…miss arguing over clothes…"

"I'm not dead yet! I'm here."

"But Rachel, where is here?"

"I can't tell you!" I screamed. Cassie was silent for a moment.

"Okay."

Click.

She hung up. She hung up.

I couldn't call her again…

I noticed something at the bottom of the pay phone. It was some money, I was in luck. Maybe I had too much luck. The lady had given me more than I had needed. I must have dropped it.

I dialed her number again.

"Yeah?" Cassie snapped. "Sorry."

"It's me again. That conversation…"

"What about it?"

"It never happened."

"I can't tell anyone?"

"Absolutely not."

"You can't stop me, Rachel. You could be in danger. I've gotta call your mom."

"You do and you won't see daylight again," I blurted. It just came out.

"You're not the Rachel I used to know," She said finally.

"And you're not the Cassie –" 

"Look, Rachel, I've gotta tell!"

"You don't have to do anything."

She was very silent.

"I know. But I'm your friend…"

"Stop it, Cassie." I didn't want to discuss friendship now. Not here. Not now.

I felt a small lump rise in my throat. I swallowed hard.

"Okay, I won't tell. I won't do anything and stand there and let you die! Face it Rachel, there is something wrong with you!" Cassie was crying.

"I KNOW! Don't you think I'd know?"

"Rachel…"

"I knew from the beginning, at that party at Jennifer's. I knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you ask?"

"You don't have to ask to get an answer. I didn't need to ask. You should have looked for help."

"I know I need help."

"I know you do."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't –"

"Look, don't get off into that, okay!? I know I killed lot's of people!"

"RACHEL!"

I was silent for a moment.

"Cassie, did you know I was insane from the beginning?"

"I didn't want to believe it."

"TELL me, Cassie."

"Yes."

That hurt.

"Look, I'm sorry," Cassie said.

She hung up the phone.

For the last time.

I wasn't calling her back. That might have been the last time I talked to Cassie.

I slammed down the phone and walked away, tears filling my eyes.

I was a horrible person. To not tell Cassie… That wasn't her business, like it wasn't John's business or the cop's business.

Nothing was anyone's business but my own.

I knew it and Cassie knew it. She knew she didn't need to ask questions. She knew I was okay, only that was a lie.

The police wanted me.

Maybe I could go back…no. No. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't do anything.

Anything. 

I'd keep quiet for a while, let myself cool off.

I was too steamed. Too mad. I shouldn't have been around people. Too tempting to push them into the road.

Way too tempting.

SLAM!  
"Hey, watch it little girl!" it was a teenage guy.

I did it. I got up and slammed against him. He tumbled back and into the street.

HONK! HONK!

That was the end of him. I guess. I didn't stick around long enough.

I ran.

Ran through the crowds of people.

Once again.

I ran down a street, tearing through the traffic. I stopped in the road. A car was heading straight towards me.

"OH NO!" Someone cried from the sidewalk.

I jumped and rolled onto the sidewalk, and knocked against it.

The car hit a mud puddle and splashed me.

I was alive, but very wet. Stupid car. No, stupid Rachel. Stupid little girl.

Stupid little Rachel thought she was old enough to care for herself in the world.

Thought was right.

I could even walk through a crowd with out getting hurt. Or killing someone.

Maybe it was just me, but I felt scared all the sudden.

Maybe because I had almost died.

Almost had a run in with death

Whatever it was, I was scared.

Maybe the night…

It _was _almost dark.

Where would I sleep?

Where would I go?

Just a little, stupid girl in a big harsh world. A world, that is if you don't know how to survive, will eat you alive. And spit you out shaking.

Maybe that's cruel, but it's the truth. I was trying not to be eaten. I was trying not to die.

At night, there's no telling what kind of killers would be out.

Killers that snatched little kids like me up.

Killers like me.

Gangs. Another bad concept of the night in the city.

I was just a kid in the city. That scared me.

I should have told Cassie.

Not let her worry. She'd had a rough day, probably looking for me. _I'd _had a rough day.

We all had.

We all do, sometime or another.

A day where we can't wait to go lay up in bed…

I didn't have a bed.

I did, but I didn't.

Get what I'm saying?

I couldn't go back home. Major lecture.

Probably be grounded till I was 17.

Or worse.

I was wanted. Wanted by everyone. Everyone was out to get me. The Animorphs, the Yeerks, the police, my parents…see? Everyone.

I was alone now, no more people. Just a small tuff of traffic.

Streets lights clicking on.

Cool breezes blowing.

Cops cruising the streets, looking for trouble.

The cops? Oh, no! I had to hide.

Didn't want to get shot. Didn't wanna die.

Didn't want to go to jail!

As I ran, an image bubbled up to my mind.

Me, sitting in jail.

My mom, so disappointed with me. Me, so scared. So ashamed. Was I ashamed?

Heck yes!

I was zapped back to reality.

Me, running down the sidewalk to no where.

The sirens of the cars far in the distance.

After me.

Everyone was after me. No, that was stupid. But it's the way that I felt then.

I was Mighty Rachel. Everyone was afraid of me, Mighty Rachel. Haha.

I ran down the Sidewalk to Nowhere, my heart thudding in my chest, breathing heavy and sweat ran down my face.

I was tired of running. I didn't need to run.

I slowed down and placed my hands on my knees and kneeled over.

It was cool tonight.

Let the cool air cool you down Rachel.

I was tired. I walked over and sat down. Just sat. I didn't care who or what saw me there. I was tired.

I didn't need to run around. Just rest, Rachel.

Things are always better in the morning.

Aren't they?

No, not necessarily.

I relaxed while the Voices in My Head chatted.

It felt good to listen, for just once of course.

Action had always been my thing. And I didn't do shutting up that well either.

So now I would just listen.

Make observations.

"Whew!" I said. I leaned back against the brick wall. My heart pounded in my head and hands.

The voices grew louder. And louder.

Till I got a headache.

What?

I didn't have any voices in my head.

__

It's just you, Rachel. Just like you.

What did that mean?

I was just tired.

I needed some rest. Stressful day. I needed some sleep, if anything. Not here, though. Can't sleep here.

I got up, and brushed myself off. I scanned my choices.

Not much.

I could sleep in the park, if I could find one.

Sleep on a park bench, look like the homeless person I am. No, I wasn't entirely homeless. I had a home.

I just didn't wanna go to it.

Lot's would think that as crazy. Uh, they haven't been with me for a day.

Trust me, I didn't want to go home. As I said, I'd get grounded. I didn't like being grounded.

I would be okay after a couple of hours.

Calm down and cool off.

I stumbled down the sidewalk.

I could ask for directions. I wasn't a guy.

I could.

Some people walked by. I didn't see who they were, just some teens.

"Hey!" I called as they walked by.

They turned and faced me.

Gangster looking teens.

Probably had guns. I gulped.

"Uh, could you tell me where something is?" I asked.

It was no use morphing an owl or something. I'd be out all night looking for somewhere to sleep and I'd be even more tired.

"That depends."

I took a deep breath. Let it out. "Okay, I don't know my way around here, so could you…"

"What do I look like? A tour guide?" The girl said.

"No, I wanted to know where a bench, a park bench would be."

They shrugged. "Somewhere down there's a bench, a park bench." They both laughed.

I don't like people making fun of me.

"Uh-huh. Well, at least I'm not an idiot," I said. I cursed myself.

Why would they be idiots Rachel?

"And at least I don't go around askin' for directions."

"I don't go asking around for directions. This is my first time today," I said.

"And obviously you're first time out of your house."

"What?"

"You don't understand. C'mon, Jess, let's go."

The girl and guy walked away.

Humph.

This wasn't anyway to make friends.

I looked around again. Not that many people around.

I sighed and walked down the sidewalk.

I also needed food.

I was very hungry.

Maybe I could fine a Burger King around…no. I didn't have any money.

Wait…

I passed by a small diner. Booths, people inside, fans going on the ceiling. It said OPEN on it.

I shrugged and walked in. Maybe I could spend the night in a booth. Some people were in the little diner, eating.

I walked over and sat down at a booth.

It felt good to sit down somewhere that felt good on your butt.

A lady came over.

She handed me a menu. I looked at it.

I didn't have any money.

The lady was understanding kind of person. Maybe around 17 years old.

"Are you going to order…" She looked at me. I looked pretty bad. Tangled hair, morphing outfit…I looked homeless.

She sat down.

I gulped.

She leaned over. "Tell you what, order anything and it's free."

"Huh? Oh, oh." I looked at the menu. I didn't want to order too much.

"Can I have a…cheeseburger? And some fries? And a coke?"

She wrote it down. "Back in a second."

I leaned back and waited. That was nice of her to do that.

I guess I send off the feeling… I looked around the place. Some people stared at me.

Some people whispered. 

__

Let them whisper, Rachel.

I sighed and before I knew it, food was here.

I took one look at the cheeseburger.

It was like heaven.

I grabbed it and bit into it. Chewed and swallowed.

Attacked it again.

Sucked down drink.

Ate fries. And made a total pig of myself.

I started gnawing on the burger when the girl sat down.

"Hi."

I nodded, my mouth full of food. I swallowed. "Hey."

She smiled. "Where you from?"

I shrugged. "Just any where."

"You okay?"

I looked at her. "What?"

"I mean, I'm sorry if I offended you…"

I shook my head. "No, no."

"Oh. Okay."

I ate another fry. She helped herself to one.

I smiled.

"What's your name?" She asked.

I could come up with a fake one… Jane Lee? Paula Smith?

"Rachel."

"Ah, I always liked that name. My name is Rebecca."

We sat there, and listened as some people walked outside.

"So, did you run away or what?"

I spit my drunk back into the cup.

"What?" I gasped.

"Well, you're too pretty to be homeless."

I smiled again. I guess I was. "Yeah, I did."

"Does anyone notice you're gone?"

"Yeah. I called my friend not long ago –"

"I ran away…well, kinda. I said I was going to the city and just never came home."

I was shocked. But on the other hand, I really didn't care.

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I didn't like my life, my friends, my family…no one noticed I was gone."

"How do you know?"

"I never see anything on the news about it," She replied.

"People must notice I'm gone."

"Why did you run away?"

I sighed. How could I say it? "I blew up an alien pool and killed a bunch of people. Now my cousin and my friends want me dead."

"I was sick of life." Hmmm…half right.

"Another victim, huh?"

"Yeah," I said, finishing my burger. 

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

We both looked up. Two guys walked in and sat down.

"I'd better get back to work," She said and walked off.

I slid out of the booth and stepped outside.

It was still cold.

And I still needed a place to stay.

****

Chapter Nine

I walked down the sidewalk.

I still needed some rest. I was full of food and tired.

I was walking in a place I hadn't been before.

Of course, I'd never been any of these places before.

I kicked a rock into the street.

A car whizzed by.

"Oh, for the love of…someone tell me where to go!" I cried.

No one answered me.

Duh.

I walked a little faster down the sidewalk now, scared.

__

Clunck, clunk, clunck.

I froze. Someone was following me.

I walked faster. The footsteps got more rapid, and way louder.

I started to jog.

The footsteps jogged.

I broke into a run.

The feet broke into a run. And then I just all out ran.

I ran faster now, the person still heavy on my trail.

As I ran, I looked back. A man was running after me.

"Freeze!"

I screamed and tore down the sidewalk now.

__

Click, click! 

Oh, he had a gun!

I ran faster now, my legs ached.

"I said freeze little girl!"

I did anything but.

"Stop or I'll shoot."

I didn't want to get shot.

"That's it," He said.

Fear came on now, pouring on fast like sweat.

I took a turn into a place. The park. Good.

I ran down a little pathway, Mr. Gun still on me.

As I crept into the dark park, I could picture music.

You know, in one of those movies where a girl is walking down the dark park at night, and there's more than one person with her, except she doesn't know it?

I laughed.

Why?

This was so pathetic. I mean, I've run from Hork-Bajir before and this was nothing.

I climbed up a tree, my hands trying to grab the branches.

I could hear him getting closer.

I had a plan, but not much time.

My hand snagged the branch. I pulled myself up. 

RIIIPPP!!!

My shirt caught onto the branch, ripping.

__

God, if you're there…

Oh, no! The sound…he'd heard me…

I grabbed another and climbed higher.

Not much time, Rachel. My heart thudded.

The gun.

I didn't morph. I didn't hide.

I was going to kick his butt. Like I kicked Jennifer's.

Only he had a gun. I knew exactly what to do.

"Here girly, girly, girly…" The guy said, gun out in front of him.

He was about five feet from the tree. A little closer, come on! He walked slowly to the tree, taking his time.

Pointed his gun back in forth from bush to bush.

I held back a laugh.

Just a little closer…

Come on…

He stood under the tree, in my reach.

I stood on the shaking branch and tried to hold on.

I balanced my legs and launched myself into the air. Down, down to the man's back.

My feet touched back.

He went down, gun skidding.

He made a mad reach for it. I stepped on his hand.

"ARRRGGGHHHH!" He cried, holding his bleeding hand.

I grabbed the gun.

__

Click, click.

"Don't shoot me…" He said, getting up.

"Don't kill me."

I kept the gun trained on him at all times. He was dangerous.

So was I.

"Don't make me hurt you little girl. Give me the gun."

"No. I'd rather shoot you with it, my dear."

"Give me the gun."

"No."

"Give it."

"Why? So you can rob me or kill me? Honey, you can't do neither."

"Watch me."

"You can't shoot me and you can't rob me."

"What are you, a immortal? Give me the gun!"

"I said no."

"Give it here now."

He walked closer to me.

"I'll shoot you if you come any closer," I warned.

"Not if you don't have the gun," He said.

"What?"

He jumped. It was the perfect time to shoot.

But I didn't.

He grabbed my hand, and held it.

"Give me the gun!" he said through clenched teeth.

"No way!" He grabbed my arm and snatched it.

I grabbed his arm.

"Give it…"

"No…"

We both stood there for a minute, grabbing and shoving till I tripped. He tripped.

And we both stumbled backwards.

"Oof!" We said as we knocked into the tree.

POOOOOOWWW!

A shot erupted.

Just like that.

Then, ever so suddenly, I got this horrible feeling something was going to happen. Then I felt my chest sting. The little weirdo shot me! I knew it…

I grabbed my chest.

__

Morph, Rachel… then rip the hide off him.

Blood seeped out of the wound. He must have missed my heart…

I felt hair run up and down me. I felt me get taller.

I felt power.

I focused on changing into the grizzly bear.

I also watched the guy.

He turned from scared to shocked to horrified.

Then he bolted, running down the sidewalk. He wasn't getting away.

I finished my morph as quickly as possible.

Then ran.

He screamed when he saw me. All out screamed.

I snatched him by the leg and held him up.

"ROOOOOAAARRRWWWWW!!!" I screamed.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He yelled and began to struggle. This guy was stupid. Didn't he know you can't take down a grizzly?

You just can't.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He cried, trying to get down.

Oh, he'd get down all right.

I raised the arm clutching the guy and slung it back. He flew through the air and hit headfirst into a tree.

I lumbered over to him, just seeing if I'd killed him or not. He was still breathing.

I was kinda relived. I was in enough trouble already.

I morphed back to human again.

And while I did, I realized how tired I was.

I walked away from him. 

Searched for the gun. Couldn't find it.

I walked over to the park bench and parked my butt there.

I didn't have anything to cover me up with. I didn't have a pillow to lay down on.

But I was so comfortable.

I snuggled back into the bench, my eyes closing slowly.

Even though I was relaxed, my mind raced. What if the guy murdered me during the night?

I tried to calm down, take a few breaths, and relax.

That just wasn't happening.

I rolled over and focused on sleeping.

I thought. Just useless stuff stored in my brain…

You know, there never really is a perfect family. In magazines, there is a mom, a dad and a little girl and boy. And a dog. The dog's named something like spot or whatever…

My mind began to relax. I saw images.

I was very soon sleeping.

I woke up very, very suddenly. I snapped awake. Where was I?

Oh. I was in the city.

It wasn't light yet, but morning.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I ran a pine cone –yes a pine cone –Through my hair.

Maybe I didn't look so bad.

I tried to wake up, collect myself.

I was in the park, sitting on park bench, and no, that wasn't normal.

What was I doing here?

Oh, yeah. Oh, duh, Rachel.

__

You'd been a bad girl and you've run away from home.

That was it. I'd tried to kill that guy last night, tried to kill Jennifer, caused a huge car crash…all these bad things.

I needed a gun.

A weapon.

In the city, I needed a gun.

Now, I wouldn't shoot just anyone. No, not everyone holds the honor to be shot by Rachel.

Only those selected.

Okay, that's too harsh.

I knew I wouldn't kill anyone. That's too mean.

Yeah, as mean as I am, I can't just shoot down anyone. They have to shoot me first.

I laughed in my head.

This was so idiotic.

I didn't need a gun. I needed help.

"Oh, goodness," I groaned and stood up.

My back ached. 

I made my way down the trail, and passed the guy I'd encountered last night.

He was still sleeping.   
Too bad.

I stretched out as I entered the People Zone.

People everywhere, already. I didn't blame 'em.

Not too bad a traffic, just people everywhere.

All types of people.

Briefcase swinging men talking rapidly on their little cell phones, women with short hair in business suits and heels tromped by, checking their watches every minute.

A woman stood in the doorway of a store and turned over a sign.

People everywhere. Mostly business people.

Cars, trucks, and taxi have zoomed down the road, making it impossible for one to cross the street.

I didn't need to cross the street.

I just walked down my stretch of the sidewalk. You know, that would make a good book.

People in and out of buildings, huge skyscrapers and just plain stores.

Did I mention people?

You gotta get up early to get anywhere. But I'd fooled around too much this morning.

Walked around for a minute and decided I was bored.

What was there to do?

Then it hit me.

Oh, duh.

I had something I could do.

Did I have something I could do?

I'd morph a bird or a fly and spy on everyone. That would be fun. Loads of fun.

I jogged back into the woods, and began to morph fly.

I was finished morphing in a couple of minutes. I flew up and out into the sky.

__

Hahahahahah! You're doing it now Rachel!

I flew over the town, city, everyone and I thought as I approached the school.

__

Why did that man attack me? I didn't know.

That kept spinning through my mind. Was there a large crime rate? There never really was…

Was it a full moon?

I've heard that nuts come out at a full moon…maybe that's why I was out.

I'm not a deep, deep thinker, but surly there was something I had that that guy wanted.

Maybe he was just a nut, like me, circling the town, looking for trouble and a place to stay.

Maybe there were just nuts there, everywhere.

Maybe he belonged in a mental hospital. He tried to rob me!

He! I mean, any fool would know that I am Rachel.

__

Maybe they don't Rachel.

You have a point there, voice. Maybe no one knows of me…but the world will very soon!

Ah, shut up.

Did I belong in a mental hospital? Yes, I guess I did. No, that's not nice to wish something such as that on myself. Still…

I was nuts.

Just crazy.

__

You are indeed.

You shut up.

I'm not crazy.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Marco, what are you doing here?

I paused for a moment. I was crazy!

I was talking to people in my head…Marco doesn't exist in my head, did he?

Was everyone a figment of my imagination?

Was _I _ a figment of my imagination?

No, no.

That's crazy talk.

__

You are crazy. Oh well, Rachel. Use your nuttiness for the good of mankind.

Or the bad.

I shut out that little voice, that stupid little voice in my head.

I wasn't a complete nut. I didn't see things, I didn't –okay, maybe I heard things, but it was all in my head, right?

It's all in my head. I just think I'm crazy. We all question our sanity at one point in our life, don't we? Don't we?

__

No, Rachel. You are the only one.

Shoot.

I've lost it. Lost everything. I was gone.

CRAZY!!!

__

Focus, Rachel. You don't normally act like this. You're uh…not like yourself. Like someone would say about a book character…out of character.

I'm not myself.

I didn't know myself anymore.

I got this wild image in my head, one of me coming up to myself.

I'm crazy, wild, on the streets. 

"Do I know you?" I ask myself.

"Of course you do! I'm you," I say.

"Uh, okay. Maybe in another life, but not in this one. Go away. You scare me." Then I walk away, down the sidewalk, away from me.

I didn't know my own self. I see myself in the mall…ah, yes. The mall.

I didn't know where I was.

I was Rachel, but was I really?

__

Of course! Now, go have some…fun.

I came into the school. It was already lunchtime.

I could feel my stomach growling. I demorphed behind the school and remorphed as a fly again.

I looked for an entrance. I saw some kids go into the door. I went in with them.

Inside it was lovely. Food, everywhere was food.

Not really any good food, but food…

The fly brain was in heaven.

Oh…oh…it was wonderful.

Had I died? Yes and this was heaven!

Oh, heaven was wonderful. Maybe it didn't have any angels…the lunch ladies! The source of the food!

The lunch ladies were angels!

I was sent to heaven.

A light at the end of the cold, dark tunnel.

The warmth to a cold body.

Relief.

Ahhhh. I felt so…so…normal. And at home.

Control yourself! I mentally slapped myself.

You are Rachel, are you not?

__

Yes, Rachel. Not a fly. Let that get you for a moment.

I felt slightly embarrassed. It is kinda embarrassing to be caught up in the animal mind.

Especially a creature such as the fly.

I slapped myself again.

I was here on a mission. To spy.

Not like spy on anyone. Look at them change clothes in their bedrooms, watch them eat, sleep, do anything.

I had business.

fun business.

I fly around the school cafeteria. 

It was heaven to the fly, but I'd clamped down on that for the time being.

I looked around for Cassie, Marco or Jake.

Someone I could have fun with.

Then I spotted her.

Jennifer, with her and her giggly little blond friends, off to the side of the cafeteria.

Fun, fun, fun.

I zipped madly across the room, and flew up the wall.

I laughed insanely as I landed.

I knew what I would do.

Jennifer…Jennifer… I said to her.

Jennifer's ears perked up. "Do you guys hear something?"

I laughed. This was fun!

Jennifer, it's me. Abraham Lincoln.

"Abraham Lincoln?"

"What about him?" The girl to her right said.

"Nothing."

I laughed harder than I ever have.

After several other messages from "Abraham Lincoln" and after I'd made Jennifer look like an idiot, I scanned the school cafeteria.

I spotted Cassie and Jake and Marco sitting down together. They never sit together.

Something was wrong.

I flew over there and got as close as I could.

"Cassie, is there something wrong?"

Oh, no.

"Look," She said and lowered her voice. "I heard from Rachel."

I almost fell off the ceiling.

Cassie told! The little traitor! 

"She seemed to be somewhere busy…I thought the highway." 

"Why the highway?" Marco asked.

"I heard cars."

"Were you sure it was Rachel?" Jake said.

"Positive."

"When did you talk to her?"

Cassie paused. "I talked to her today."

That little liar.

"Okay, okay. It was yesterday, I believe. She doesn't want us looking for her."

"Did she say why?" Jake asked.

"No."

I didn't. At least I think I didn't…

"We gotta find her," Cassie said.

"Yeah, she could be in trouble."

"She's always in trouble. Rachel out there by herself is a scary thing," Marco said.

"When do we go look for her?"

"_Where _do we go look for her?" Marco said.

Cassie shook her head. "Not today. Tomorrow. In the city."

"Why?"

"The cars…if it isn't the highway, it could be there. Besides, the highway isn't that busy."

Ooooh. The little traitor!

I hated Cassie.

I wasn't Cassie's friends anymore.

I would never be again.

I couldn't trust her. I felt betrayed.

I felt like I couldn't trust anyone but myself.

And I couldn't even trust myself.

****

Chapter Ten

I flew back as soon as possible.

I stopped by on a building, morphed to human then to bird and took off again.

There was no use.

They knew where I was. That wasn't good.

I needed at new place to hide, somewhere where no one would find me. Where the heck was that?

There was no place to hide, was there?

__

No, Rachel. You have to face your fears…

What HAVE you been smoking? I said to my stupid voice in the back of my head.

__

Uh, nothing.

Humph. Even the voice in the back of my head didn't like me. And that's pretty bad.

I needed a place to stay.

It was only hours away before my hideaway would be uncovered. 

I shuddered.

That sounded so like Ax.

Well, thinking never go anyone anywhere. Okay, maybe thinking about what you'll do –oh forget it.

I didn't need to sit around (fly around, stand around) while they plotted the my exact location.

I needed to move, fast.

Move where, though? China? 

South America?

Canada?

Ohio?

I didn't have anywhere to go.

But I didn't want them…didn't want anyone. They'd yell at me, ask me questions I didn't want to answer…

What was wrong with me?

__

Hey, that sentence has five "W"s, the voice in the back of my head laughed.

I flew down to another building. It wasn't abandoned, but not many people were there.

Perfect.

I slid down to the top of the building and began to morph back to human.

As I focused on morphing my old self, I watched the cars below.

My feathers sucked back into my skin.

So high up.

My beak ran back into my face.

So, so high up. Away from the real world.

I stood up. I was finished morphing back to Rachel.

I looked down.

I let out a curse. Oh, duh! How would I get down?

Morph again?

I kicked myself.

Where would I morph back to human? A Dumpster? 

No, someone might spot me. Controllers were everywhere.

I walked over to the side of the building and looked down.

The air whipped my hair back into my face. My stomach…it flip flopped.

"Ugh, Rachel," I said. "What have you done now?"

I didn't know the answer. 

I decided to look around the top of the building. I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

It was a usual top, some metal on the side over there, some papers, flat and open concrete, a door leading back into the building –

Wait!

"Ah-HAH!" I cried. The door! It must have lead into the building.

I shrugged. Worth a try.

I ran over to the door as fast as possible and began to open.

I stopped.

The door wasn't locked; there wasn't anything stopping me from going in but one thing –how could I get past people inside?

How would I get down?

Ask questions later.

I grabbed the door and pulled it open.

It was dark inside.

I closed the door behind.

Like I said, it was dark. No light. Nothing.

I stumbled and groped around down the stairs, grabbing at the walls and carefully putting down my feet on every step.

Could I morph? Was there enough time till someone came up?

I paused.

I heard something…

I listened closely. Yep, it was.

I knew that sound. Footsteps.

Human footsteps, to be exact.

Not a sound I wanted to hear.

I placed my foot down softly, trying hard not to make any noise. _Clunk. _My foot slammed down onto the step.

I jumped back into the darkness.

Easy, Rachel, easy.

I tried again, setting it down even softer than before. _Clink. _I took another silent step.

And another.

Soon, I was walking swiftly, yet quietly down the quiet, dark stairway. I set my foot down again, lost my balance and fell forward.

"Oh, no." I would come slamming down on the staircase, I knew it. I could picture people coming up the stairs, shining their little flashlights at me, asking my questions.

I knew it.

__

SLAM!!!

I hit hard. But not against the stairs.

Against a door.

I reached around for a doorknob.

My hand bumped over something cold and smooth. The doorknob. I paused suddenly.

Was there anyone on the other side? Was the door locked?

Ask questions later, Rachel, take action now.

I opened the door.

To my surprise, it opened. No one on the other side.

In fact, no one was around.

That was good to hear…or see.

I darted my eyes around a final time. No one down that way.

Now the question was, where was an elevator? 

I shrugged.

I'd have to look for one. Was there even AN elevator? 

Then, in that hall, in that building, in my insanity and confusion, I began to giggle.

Why? The question is still a mystery to me.

I just threw my head back into the air and let out a laugh.

I laughed harder and fell to the ground.

I rolled on the floor.

"Yeah, I heard something. I think someone is in there."

I stopped laughing very suddenly. I listened.

"You heard someone going down the stairs? I mean, who would be on the roof?"

Two voices. One male, one female, but human.

I gulped and carefully picked myself up off the floor.

I wondered where they were, if they were close or not.

If not, I could morph. If so…

"Oh, great," I muttered.

"Look, I'm going to check it out," the female voice said.

Silence.

"Noooo…no. Okay, look, maybe there is someone in there –"

The voices were closer now. 

I heard footsteps. They were coming.

I held my breath and leaned against the wall.

Focused on grizzly.

Fur rippled down my arms and legs. My ears went up vertically. My nose bulged out, forming a nose and mouth,

"Shhhh! Stop for a second, Laura. I heard something," the male said.

There was silence in the air, except the sounds of me morphing.

My bones twisted and slurped and cracked around in my body.

"You're right, James. There sure is something there," Laura said.

I swung my grizzly head upwards. I saw a shadow cast on the floor.

Then, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh…"

"Shut up, Ja…Ja…Ja…it's a bear! It's a bear!" Laura cried. She stood there, in her blue business suit, and from the looks of it, she was wetting her pants.

I roared, my mighty grizzly voice echoing in the halls.

"Kill it, James, kill it!" Laura screamed. Then ran.

But by the time she got out of there, James was hauling butt down the hall.

Maybe they knew were I could find an elevator.

I ran after them.

I spotted James and Laura, screaming and running down the hall, waving their arms.

I could have laughed. 

But I chose something different.

Hey! I called to them.

Laura screamed.

Hey, I just want to find a way down, I said. Stop running!

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" James cried.

WHUMPH!

James fell to the floor. I lumbered up to him.

"DON'T KILL ME!" he cried, throwing his hands over his face and head. "I gotta a wife, and two kids…"

He shivered again and looked around desperately. Laura was long gone.

I laughed. Hahahahahaha!

James didn't know what to do. He looked around nervously.

I stopped laughing, just to see what he'd do. He stopped suddenly and put his hands over his face again.

Tell you what…I won't kill you. But you gotta do something for me, I said.

"Anything, anything," James squeaked.

Tell me how to get down from here, I said.

No use walking down the hallway in roach morph, too risky. Couldn't ask for directions in human, couldn't fly off the building in morph.

This is what I had to do, even if Jake would kill me.

James lifted his head from his hands. His lowered lip quivered as he tried to find words. "I…I…it's d-down the hall, t-to your right. Can't m-miss it."

Thanks, I said.

I walked off and James began to breathe again.

I walked to elevator and opened it. No one inside.

I looked for any cameras. Not a one.

I demorphed.

Just as I did so, the door slid open. A woman walked in. She looked at me and walked out.

I didn't get it. Why didn't anyone like me?

__

Duh, Rachel. You were half grizzly.

Rhetorical question, duh.

After silencing the voice, I road the way to the bottom floor.

Quite possibly the way out. Not a basement or anything.

I prayed it wasn't.

The elevator stopped moving suddenly. Doors came open.

My stop.

I walked out into the world.

It wasn't busy down there, or anything. Not many people. Some coming in, some going out.

Nothing unusual or "Yeerk."

Besides, if those people had been Controllers, they'd know I was an "Andalite." To the Yeerks, we Animorphs are the "Andalite Bandits." So that's why were are kinda careful.

I, as secretive as I could, slid out the doors and into the world.

When I was out, I almost collapsed from relief.

I looked around. I slapped my forehead.

I had been in there for a while.

It was almost nightfall.

I looked around. I, again, needed a place to sleep. 

I walked down the sidewalk and looked into the sky, high into the tall buildings. Where no humans go. But birds…

No. Two hour limit. Duh.

Scratch that, Rachel. You haven't a place to stay.

Life in the city was hard and I was beginning not to like it at all.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Sun was setting fast. Night would come.

Night was here practically. Another day off the month. Another day in the city. Another day, more time waiting for another day.

I groaned and walked down the sidewalk more. There wasn't much traffic, so I went ahead and crossed the street.

Was there anything better on the other side of the street? I shrugged and answered my own question.

No, Rachel. There wasn't anything better. There wasn't anything worse. And the other side of the street wasn't any different then the side I'd been on previously.

"Great choice Rachel," I said to no one. To anyone who was listening.

Which, in my case, was no one.

Practically the same stores, ally ways, shops and the same sidewalk.

I walked over to the awning and leaned against a wall and looked out into the street. What else could I do?

HONK! HONK!

A car whizzed by. Didn't pay any attention to a little starving, cold homeless girl on the streets.

That's the thing about life. No one cares about you.

I sighed. Slumped down to the sidewalk and sat.

Maybe I could sleep here and get run over by people in the morning. No telling where that park was.

I stretched my tired legs out and held my hands in fist and stretched them too.

Then I thought about everything I've done.

By this point, if I died, I knew where I was going. I knew I'd never see my family again.

My mom, my dad…how did they handle me gone? Did they cry every night, wondering where their girl went? Where did little Rachel go?

Did my friends –my non-Animorph friends –miss me? 

Probably everyone misses you Rachel. You're a nice kid.

I barked out a laugh. That was a first.

"Yeah, people will miss you Rachel," I said, keeping myself on the subject.

I stretched again.

Parents are probably frantic, posting signs everywhere and all. Friends probably go out every afternoon in morph and search for you, hoping to find you someday.

__

KA-BOOM!

The thunder startled me. Interrupted my thoughts. I jumped up.

I got up and looked into the dark sky and I could barely make it out, but I knew what it was. Clouds.

Rain. Lighting. Thunder.

It would be a heck of a night. A heck of a night to be out.

I went and sat back down as thunder roared again from high above my head.

There's nothing I could do about it. Besides, the awning would keep me dry.

"No, Rachel. You're wrong," I said. I knew I'd be wet.

Rain would blow my way or find some annoying way from keeping me dry.

I just knew it! 

Then it happened. Rain began to pour like it had never rained here before.

Rained like mad.

And I promise you; I saw a couple of dogs and cats fall from the sky.

It was that bad.

CHEEEEESSSSS!!!

The rain thumped against the awning. Dripped form the side and slid to the sidewalk and onto my feet.

I slid them back. Oh, well. A little rain never hurt anyone, did it?

No and I would be fine once it stopped raining.

I watched it rain for a minute or so and then decided I was bored.

Bored.

I got up and rain dripped onto my hair. The water then went onto to drip onto my shoulders.

I wiped it off with my finger.

I sighed. Looked out across the street at the streetlights. Water shined and glistened in the light, making it easy for one to see the water.

Poor moths buzzing around the light were dead now.

CHUUUUSSSSS!!!

The rain let up a bit.

I smiled and walked out into the sidewalk now.

It sprinkled a bit on my head. I watched water drain down the drain, (haha, that rhymed!) and felt the small pocket of water buried deep in crevices in the pavement wet my feet and felt the humid air prick at my skin and breathed in the rain smell.

It was so wonderful. Why? I don't know.

I relaxed.

Then a car hit a pothole in the road and gave me a shower, and I wasn't really relaxed anymore.

****

Chapter Eleven 

I couldn't find a good place now, with all the rain wetting everything. I just had to lean against the wall and try to get comfy. That was pathetic.

__

I was pathetic.

No, I was Rachel. I would survive.

But how long? How long would this go on?

Could I go…back?

Back to everything I hated? Not true Rachel.

I liked things back there.

The mall.

My parents, maybe.

My friends.

The mall.

Tobias.

The mall.

__

The mall.

I missed shopping, looking for things half off in my size. Looking for cool shirts and shoes that actually matched.

Giggling and prodding Cassie to try something on. Convince her it was her shirt. It would look good on her.

Check out cute guys; tease Cassie about not asking Jake out. Then go to Jake and tease him.

Tease Cassie about her fashion sense. Tease Marco about being short. Just tease anyone in general.

Be myself. Try not to laugh at Marco's jokes.

Try to be very brave and all. Live up to my nickname.

Those things I missed. I missed it.

I knew deep down inside I was fighting that small, crying and screaming urge to go back to it all.

Try to forget this ever happened.

Lie to my parents. Tell them I got lost.

Would they buy that?

I did miss everything. And throughout everything, all the killing and bloodthirstiness, I missed my life.

My old one. One where I didn't run from the cops, try to find a place to sleep, food to eat, avoid being killed by that crazy guy, and care for myself.

I missed that so much. It was so sudden.

Just all the sudden I realized what was wrong.

I hate that.

I didn't know I missed them.

Everything.

Even I, Rachel, have a soft spot. I never knew it was there, but I did.

A small, single tear rolled down my cheek as I slid back onto my butt to the sidewalk.

NO! I couldn't cry!

Not now! I was Rachel! Rachel didn't cry.

She possessed human emotions such as homesickness, but never would she cry.

Or did I not know myself that well.

Did anyone?

I knew myself. And I knew I didn't cry.

It's highly unlikely for me to cry.

Only unless I need to.

And right now I did. 

I needed a warm nice bed, a soft pillow. Sleep began to set in.

My eyes go heavy. I could barely keep them open.

I lay my head down on the rough sidewalk and closed my eyes and listened to the rain start up again.

I opened my eyes and looked around. Sat up and rubbed my eyes.

I wasn't home. Where was…

I remembered. I remembered.

I was in the city.

My dream, the dream I had just had, I was back at home.

It was so beautiful. A lovely dream.

What time was it?

I got up and looked around. Looked into the sky.

It was barely light. Barely morning.

My stomach growled. Hunger was eating away at me.

I shrugged and walked down the street. Maybe I'd morph a cat or something and catch a rat. Would that satisfy my human hunger?

No. But the cat would feel pleased.

I brushed off my knees softly with my hand. I wouldn't find food standing around like this.

I needed food.

I needed water.

I needed a descent mattress to sleep on. My back ached.

It was cool this morning, quite possibly from the rain last night.

Yeah. It was still wet.

I smelled the air. It smelled of rain, soft cool rain.

Like soft bread baking in the morning. Sinking my teeth into a large slice…

I shook me head, getting a strange look from a man walking past me. Day dreaming about food wouldn't get me anywhere.

I continued to walk, focusing my mind _off_ of food and onto more important things.

Like getting home.

I knew how to get home. I could go home anytime, I just didn't know when.

I walked past a store. Just opened.

My nose caught the delicious aroma of doughnuts baking. I looked into the window at all the colorful pastries.

Powdered doughnuts, chocolate sprinkled doughnuts, chocolate doughnuts, glazed doughnuts and just about any other kind of doughnut you could think of.

But not only did it have doughnuts…it had those twisty things. You know them. And muffins.

Ohhh.

I fought the urge to go in and ask for one little doughnut.

Maybe they'd be kind enough to give me one nice doughnut.

I licked my lips and looked around. 

I pressed my nose against the glass and made an imprint. I pawed at the window and felt like a little puppy, scratching at a steel cage full of dog food.

"Oooh, oooh…" I said.

I shook my head. Gain control, Rachel. You'll eat some way or another.

I smiled.

I smiled hard.

I smiled harder than before, causing my face to hurt.

I had a plan.

A stupid, pointless plan, but one nonetheless.

I walked to the side of the store and climbed into the Dumpster. No, I wasn't looked for any moldy, stale doughnuts. I needed a place to morph.

Morph to what?

A grizzly bear. A grizzly possessed power.

I needed power to get those doughnuts.

I would get those doughnuts.

I focused on the DNA inside. Focused on the brown fur. The powerful claws, perfect for stealing doughnuts.

I watched my skin turn brown and watched as fur sucked up from my arms. I watched my feet expand out and grew hairy.

My hands did the same.

My whole body did the same.

And then, after I was ready, I climbed from the Dumpster.

I walked over to the door and tried to open it, but with my hands, I couldn't.

So I knocked.

"Coming, coming," A voice said. There was a tinkling of keys and a click.

The door flew open.

A woman stood in the doorway, in a uniform, her hand holding the door.

She screamed. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She tried slamming the door, but I caught it with my paw.

She panicked.

"RUN!" She screamed as I entered the shop.

People scattered everywhere, running around, knocking over everything.

It wasn't total madness.

I pulled open the freezer and grabbed two milks. I snagged a box of doughnuts, about a dozen in all and lumbered outside.

I demorphed (once again) in the Dumpster and when I got out, the police were there.

Knowing some of the police where Controllers, I ran away, milks and doughnuts and all.

After I ran about a block from the place, I sat down on a bench, gasping. I set the box and milks beside me and sat back.

I looked around. It was the same park, possibly the same bench. But hunger took over very soon.

I opened the milk and took a swig. A loooong swig.

Then I ate a doughnut.

I bit into the rich, flaking sugar and indulged in the beauty of it all.

I ate another.

And another.

And in total, I had at least gained around five more pounds.

I washed my hands in some –ewwww- water that had collected in the street and went back to my doughnuts.

I looked at the doughnuts.

What to do with them, just what would I do?

I was past the point of puking. Was there…

I noticed a woman sitting in a bush not too far. In my madness to shovel in food, I hadn't seen her.

She was looking at me.

I had a whole milk left and about six more doughnuts too.

Okay, I'm not that generous. The lady should get a job.

But I felt horrible not giving them to her.

I'm not Cassie, but I did it.

I walked over there and handed her the box and milk.

"I'm finished, so…" I said.

Words can't express the look in her eyes.

I instantly felt embarrassed. But that good kind of embarrassed. 

The woman said thank you about a dozen times.

"You're uh, you're welcome," I said.

She smiled and then attacked, yes attacked, the food.

I just walked off across the wet grass. Looked for the man.

He wasn't there.

Looked around and thought heavy about it.

It was going home.

Everyone missed me, didn't they?

How could I go on like this?

Did I miss them?

Questions filled me head the second the thought crossed my mind.

I shut them out quickly as I approached the city again.

I couldn't think about it now. Not now.

The traffic had increased tremendously. There was no way I could cross now.

I'd just stick to life on the right side. Or left, depending on how you looked at it.

I went out into the bustling rush hour of people, trying to get to work.

Pushed people aside. People pushed me aside.

But I wasn't weak. I pushed my way out into the world, trying to get any where.

Then I realized the direction I was going in.

Almost without realizing I was doing it.

I knew the direction I was going.

Home.

****

Chapter Twelve 

I stopped walking all together.

I stopped just like that and was knocked over by this woman.

But you know what? I deserved to be knocked over.

It was stupid to stop suddenly. I deserved it.

I picked myself up and dusted off my knees.

Yep, I had deserved it all right.

But why?

Why was I going home? I didn't want to…

__

Yes, Rachel, you do. Under that Warrior Princess thing about you, you want to go home.

And for once, I didn't silence the voice in the back of my head.

I didn't bother to do so.

Let the voice talk.

I didn't care. I didn't care.

I walked again, starting up faster this time. Go with the flow.

Go where they take you.

Go where you want to, Rachel. They can't control you.

I slunk aside to the building in front of me and stood out of everyone's way. I stood there and watched everyone walk past me, sometimes kicking me and bumping into me, other times I went unharmed.

But this was a good way to relieve stress. Okay, maybe standing in the middle of a crowd is not like the way to relieve stress, but at least you can kick people. I liked doing that. Kicking people was fun.

I shook my head.

Rachel, you have to go home eventually. I knew I had to.

I knew it.

I would, someday.

But not now. Not yet.

I wasn't a coward. I was Rach –aw, who cared anymore? Of course I was Rachel. Rachel the brave. Rachel the warrior. Rachel, the girl who never cries, never gives up and never quits. Going back was the same as quitting, wasn't it? I was giving up, going home. I would and could survive.

Even if it meant death.

I couldn't bust up in places everyday. I couldn't steal money everyday.

I couldn't do this everyday.

__

You will go back home someday, Rachel, said the voice in the back of my head.

Yeah, maybe I'll go back home. Maybe is right. 

But now wasn't the time. Wait till you're crawling on the floor, screaming and begging to go home. Wait till the world turned it back on you.

Wait till you can't go on anymore.

That's when you quit. I didn't like the sound of the word. Ugly word. I didn't like it.

The word was so…not me. Quit.

I wouldn't be quitting. More like, giving up. Same meaning, different words. The words make all the difference, not the meaning.

Huh?

What was wrong with me? Was I getting weak?

No, Rachel is not weak. I wasn't Cassie. Not that Cassie's weak…she's just not ruthless as I am.

Maybe it wasn't very nice calling Cassie weak. She'd fought beside us for a long time. But then again, who cares about nice anymore?

Who really does?

In a war, you kill the other side's people, whether they're fighting or not. At least, that's what I would do.

Maybe no one would agree with me on that. Cassie certainly wouldn't. Jake, Marco, Ax and Tobias probably wouldn't agree either. No one agrees with Rachel. She makes her own decisions.

I walked around a building and headed down a dark, cold ally way. Away from all the people. I climbed on a rusty looking old Dumpster and sat down on it. And thought. And thought.

I looked around the ally as I thought. It was dark, dirty and cold. No sun seemed to shine here. Maybe it was because of the two tall brick buildings beside me.

Maybe.

Maybe the ally was just as cold as I was. Not that I was cold, cold. Just cold-hearted. At least Cassie would think that.

But Cassie wasn't here. I was and I needed to stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about myself. Maybe that sounded selfish. It did. But I do need to worry about myself and stop worrying about everyone else.

Cassie would, maybe.

__

Stop comparing yourself to Cassie.

I needed to. I needed to compare myself to…me.

Huh?

I needed to worry about myself and stop thinking about everyone else.

TSEEEER!

My head snapped up to the noise. Naturally, I looked up. Against the sky, high above the buildings, was a bird. And from the looks of it, a red-tailed hawk.

Tobias.

I jumped up suddenly from the Dumpster and began to back out of the ally very slowly.

I needed a place to hide, now.

Rachel! He cried as soon as I began to run. Rachel, stop!

I couldn't answer and I didn't stop. I kept on running, pushing people out of the way.

Rachel! A new voice this time. I recognized it. Cassie. Rachel, come back!

I shook my head as I ran away. I passed buildings, stores…wasn't there anywhere I could go.

Another ally way. Perfect.

I slipped into it, hoping my friends didn't see me.

Rachel! It was Jake now.

Rachel! Marco.

I couldn't do anything. They'd find me anyway I went.

I back down the ally slowly, edging towards a small brick wall behind me. Too tall to climb, though.

My friends landed in the ally way and began to morph. I turned my head. I could run now…

Suddenly, without warning, I began to run.

Marco grabbed out his still demorphing hand and snagged me by the ankle. I dropped to the ground.

"Ooof!" I said, chin hitting dirt hard. "What's the big idea?"

Marco and the others stood up and brushed dirt off themselves. I did the same.

"Where's Ax and Tobias?" I asked.

Jake motioned his head upwards. Two birds perched on a rusty metal pipe.

"What are you guys doing here?" I said. Then it hit me.

"Cassie you little traitor!" I screeched, diving towards her.

I reached out for her neck, but snagged air.

"I thought you wouldn't tell!" I cried. "You little traitor. You told. You told."

Cassie was in tears. "It was for your own good."

"For my own –Cassie, it was supposed to be a secret," I said. I turned to face everyone else. "I was coming back."

"Yeah, right, Rachel," Marco snorted.

"I was!" I said desperately. I faced Jake. "You didn't have to come get me."

Jake looked like he was holding down anger. You could tell it in his face. "Rachel, you don't know what's going on."

"What? What's going on?" I said.

Jake sighed deeply, then took a breath. "Come back."

"Why should I?"

Rachel, Tobias began. Everyone looking for you. Police, parents, people at school, everyone.

My heart began to beat in my chest faster and harder, like a sledgehammer.

"Really?" I said, barely able to get the words out.

Cassie nodded. "The Yeerks, Rachel."

"That's why you have to come back," Jake stated calmly. "You should see your mom."

"Mom?"

"She misses you Rachel. So does your dad and sisters," Cassie said.

"They miss me?" I couldn't believe it. "Who all is looking for me?"

Like I said, everyone. It was on the local news a day back, Tobias said.

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow," Marco said. "It's so touching the way everyone wants little Rachel to come back."

"Shut up Marco," I said.

Marco marched over to me. "Here's something, Rachel. You shut up."

I was stunned. "No one tells me to shut up," I began.

"Yeah and lives."

"Be quiet, Marco," I said again.

Marco didn't say anything back. He was smart.

"Rachel, come home," Jake said. 

"No, we force you to come home," Marco said, interrupting Jake.

"Marco, don't –" I began.

"Yeah, I'm shutting up."

Cassie stepped forward. "Rachel, we need you."

"I don't need you," I said, then felt guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Did I just hear –" Marco fell silent suddenly, because of the look I shot him.

"We do need you," Cassie said, forcing back tears. "Come home. We need you."

"I think we're over that," I snapped.

"Rachel, how can you be so…cruel?" Cassie said.

"I'm not being cruel."

"Yes, you are," Jake said.

"Then I am, so what? Sue me," I shot back.

"You're also being mean," Cassie said.

"The world is full of mean people Cassie. Grow up."

A tear ran down Cassie's face. "Rachel how can you be so heartless? So evil? So –"

"What, now I'm a super villain?" I said.

"See, there you go," Marco said. "Snapping at everyone for no reason."

"I have a reason to snap," I said. "Everyone acting stupid. Duh, I'll come home, if it makes you feel better, Cassie. We all want you guys to be happy, don't we?"

But you aren't happy here, Rachel, Tobias said to me privately. I wish he'd said it out loud. I had something to say to that.

"We just want you to come home," Cassie said. "C'mon."

"No, I won't 'come on', okay Cassie?" I snapped at Cassie.

Cassie began to cry.

"Oh, now you're going to cry. I was right. You are weak." I turned and began to walk the other way.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder. "Rachel…"

"No, I'm leaving."

Marco and Jake walked in front of me. 

"Move. I'm going," I said harshly.

"You're not going anywhere."

"Oh and who says?" I snapped.

" I do," Jake said.

"Uh-huh. Like you're the boss," I said. "Right."

"Rachel, I said you're coming with us. That's an order."

"I don't take orders anymore," I said.

"You will now."

"Uh, no I won't and move out of my way. Thank you," I said.

"Rachel," Cassie said. "Listen to us. You don't know what's going on."

"Neither do you," I said. 

"You're right, I don't."

"I know I'm right."

"But you're wrong. You can't stay here, Rachel. You're only a kid."

"Ah, but a tough kid with super powers." I rolled my eyes. I had better things to do than this.

"Rach –" Cassie began.

I shoved Marco and Jake aside. Jake grabbed my shoulders.

"Let go of me," I cried.

"No, Rachel. I'll let go when you listen," He said.

"I've listened enough. Let go." I shook my shoulder to get it free. He held his grip.

"Will you listen if I let go?"

"Yes," I lied.

He let go and I took off running. Unfortunately, he grabbed my shirt. I tripped and fell to the dirty concrete.

"LET GO OF ME!" I shouted.

"No," Jake said. "No."

"LET GO NOW!"

"Listen to us," He said.

"Never."

"Listen."

"Never!"

"Listen!"

"NEVER!"

Jake let go suddenly. "Fine Rachel. Now you're the traitor."

"I'm not a traitor like Cassie," I said.

"True, but you are a traitor. You're turning your back on the human race."

I stopped. Jake had a point there.

"Okay," I said, dropping my head and looking down. "I'll listen to whatever it is you gotta say."

Jake nodded. "Good. Look, Rachel, we need you back. You're risking everything staying here."

"How?"

"How what?"

"How am I risking everything by staying here?"

Jake began to open his mouth, but Cassie cut him off. "Rachel, remember us telling you people were looking for you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well," Cassie said. "People do get suspicious."

"Haven't we been over that before?" Marco wondered.

"Shut up!" I hissed, jerking my head to look at Marco. "Just shut up!"

Marco looked at me. His eyes were blazing. "You just don't get it, do you Rachel?"

"Get what?" I snapped.

"You just don't get it. We're repeating ourselves. You just don't get it," Marco said.

"Get what?"

"Get why we ever came here in the first place. You're so wrapped up in your own little life you don't even see what is going on. You're too selfish and cruel you just don't see what's going on. We need you back, Rachel, and I don't know about everyone, but I've been…well…missing you. And if you don't come back…well, you'll be found sooner or later. And people get suspicious. Can I possibly emphasize that any more?" Marco sighed.

Marco had a point there. Maybe I was being too selfish to see that I was needed…

"And another thing that Marco left out," Jake said. "Rachel, if you don't come back and I hate it to come down to this, but we'll have to force you to. Marco is right. You don't see it. You don't see that you've upset some type of balance that doesn't need to be disturbed. Also, if it comes down to it, we'd get your parents Rachel. It may not be the safest thing, but if it does come to it, I'm not stopping anything."

I was shocked. Was Jake _threatening _me?

I stared at everyone for a moment. It was like a war, me against them, and I was losing. Badly. They were pointing out thing I didn't see. They had me right there. I couldn't morph or run.

I had no choice. "You know what?"

"No," everyone said.

"I'll go. I'll come home to make you all happy. I'm going home," I said, a smile spreading across my face.

Cassie smiled. "I knew it all along, Rachel."

I smiled back, only a different kind of smile.

****

Chapter Thirteen 

It had been around an hour since my little encounter with everyone. They'd let me go, but I gave them my word. I was going to go home. 

I started towards the woods, I'd make my way through, visit Cassie, morph bird and go home. My little plan. The plan I told everyone. The plan that everyone trusted. The plan was a total lie. I wasn't even going towards the woods. 

I was only doing it because I felt as if someone were watching me. They probably were.

Who needs friends who don't even believe you?

I knew where I was going.

"Yo, dude, you recognize her?"

The voices were close to me, no doubt behind me. Two guys. 

I was walking down the sidewalk.

"Yeah, I recognize her. Isn't she that chick we saw on that poster?" the other guy said. 

I paid no attention to them. I just looked around and wondered who they were talking about.

"It is her," the guy said. "Isn't it?"

"Go ask her."

"No way, man," the other said. "She might try to like, you know, harm me or something."

"You're afraid of a girl?"

"Dude, she's no ordinary girl."

My heart stopped beating.

"Yeah and what's so special about her?"

"Some cop guy said she turned into an animal."

I had stopped now. The guys must have been following me, because I wouldn't be able to hear them anymore.

"Hey, miss," I heard a voice say.

"Jack, I told you it wasn't her."

"Hey, girl!"

I whirled around to see two young guys standing there.

The one nearer to me said a word I won't repeat.

"Oh…Dave…"

"Yeah, Jack?"

"Whoa."

"Yeah, it's her all right."

I tried to act causal. "Who are you guys talking about?"

"That girl. Some cop dude said something about her."

I forced a laugh. "Me? Little…haha…old me?"

"Yeah, she like, tried to kill people and stuff."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What if I told you I was her?"

"I'd like, run or something. Call the cops, ya' know?" Jack said.

"Uh-huh."

"You're not like, her are you?" Dave asked.

I nodded. "Show me the picture."

Dave reached his hand in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "Here."

I smoothed it out to take a better look. Then decided I shouldn't have.

The girl in the picture…was a perfect drawing of me.

I felt a jolt of fear ripple through my chest.

"So?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "That's me all right."

The guys didn't say anything.

"Dude, we gotta find a phone," Jack said.

I walked up to Jack. I picked him up by his shirt collar. Slammed his against the building.

"What…did you say? Because if I knew any better, you were going to call the cops, weren't you?"

"Well, like, yeah."

I looked at him in the eyes. "You tell one person, even be it Dave, I'll hunt you down."

Jack didn't say anything about this. When I dropped him, he limped off. (He dropped on his ankle.)

I felt pretty pleased with myself.

Rachel, a voice said suddenly. Who was that?

I jumped up in the air and came back down and my feet fell out from under me. "Don't do that!"

Sorry. it was Tobias. Touchy, touchy.

"Where are the others?"

The others? They're around here.

"They're still here too?"

Yeah.

"Didn't trust me, did they?" I said, frowning. "Did they?"

I'm not them, Rachel. I trust you.

"Then why are you still here?"

Jake made me do it, I guess. I'm just looking out for you.

I forced a laugh and a smile. "I'm a big girl."

I know Rachel, Tobias said. But not as big as you think.

I thought about this for a second.

Look, Tobias said. Jake did make me stay here with the others.

"I trust you," I said, shrugging. "What makes you think I don't?"

What makes you think I don't trust you?

"Answer my question first," I said sharply.

Tobias sighed, then said, Rachel, I do.

"What!?"

I know this isn't about trust you. Even though sometimes, it's hard, but I do care for you all the time.

I, for no reason, blushed. "Thanks."

If Tobias had a mouth, he probably would have smiled. You're welcome.

"Well, anyway Tobias, I was going to –" My words were cut off by an ear splitting sound. A police car.

"You don't think," I muttered to myself. The sound was so loud, Tobias probably didn't hear me.

The siren wailed through the air. Then I saw the car. It neared me and pulled over. A police woman stepped out of the car. She pointed her gun at me.

"Put your hands up."

"I don't think so," I said. I began to run.

That was a very wise move, Rachel, Tobias said somewhere above me.

As I was running, I heard the cop calling for backup. Not good.

"Shut up," I said, and turned a sharp corner. Ran down the ally way. Climbed the small brick wall.

Ran down the sidewalk.

Hurry Rachel, Tobias cried. They're gaining!

"I'm hurrying!" I shouted. "I'm trying."

The siren of the police car wasn't far at all now. In fact, from Tobias's shouts and from what I heard, it was right behind me. 

Haul butt!

"I'm trying! I'm trying!"

Rachel, Tobias said. Find a place to hide. Morph there.

"I can't," I panted. "I don't have enough time. They'll see me."

There was about five cop cars now, all sirens going at the same time. I'm surprised they didn't shoot me by now.

Wait, Rachel, Tobias said. Jake isn't going to like this, but I got an idea.

I was about to ask what, when a hawk dropped from the sky, heading right into one of the cars, the nearest one.

"TOBIAS!" I screeched. He flew right into the window.

He could have been killed. Maybe he was killed. I didn't stick around to find out.

Tobias had given his life up. I could hear screeching tires. I glanced over my shoulder to see the police cars had stopped and police were running on foot!

"Oh, boy," I said giddily. Action and danger always make me giddy. 

I began to run faster now that about seven cops were practically on my butt. Almost.

I turned another corner and sped down it. Big mistake. Huge mistake.

About five police cars were waiting there. Okay, scratch that. Seven cars were waiting for me.

Now this was a bad situation: cops were coming at me, I was blocked in by cars and my only look out was dead. 

"I'm sorry, Tobias," I said. I don't know why.

I needed a plan, fast.

I looked around. Cops were coming up fast. Cops were getting out of the cars. And then I spotted it. There was a building over to my right, with a small ladder up the side of it. Perfect for escaping.

Rachel! For a small second, I thought Tobias was alive again. But the voice wasn't Tobias's voice. It was Cassie's.

Rachel, where's Tobias at? The voice was Jake now. I looked up to see several birds above me. Tobias wasn't with them.

Great.

I took off, my feet practically falling out from under me.

Go Rachel! Marco cried.

I smiled and veered to try not to smack into the building. I booked down the ally way, to the ladder and climbed.

I jumped and my hand grasped something hard and cold. I pulled with one hand, used the other and grabbed another bar and lifted up. I climbed a bit with my arms, not using my legs and when I finally got my feet onto a bar, I was outta there!

I motored up the side of the building like a cockroach would, only much slower because if I missed a bar, it could be a fatal mistake.

I didn't stop climbing till I noticed how high I was. If I jumped, I would die. I decided to go on, even though I was shaking a bit.

Careful, Rachel, Cassie said. Be careful.

A bird flew close to me. It was Cassie.

"Cassie," I said, breathing hard and climbing at the same time. "Do the cops see me?"

Heck yes, Cassie said with a laugh. They think you're nuts.

"Well, I am!" I cried and scooted up the building more.

Then, my arms started to get tired from climbing. I slowed down a bit.

By the way, where is Tobias at? Wasn't he with you?

__

Until the end, I thought bitterly. "Cassie, Tobias isn't going…he isn't going…"

No…you're not saying…

"Cassie, there were cars all over me. They were following me, I wouldn't make it. Then Tobias thought up a plan. He dove for a car…"

NO! Cassie cried. Did he…make it?

"I don't know!"

No, that can't be happening, Cassie said.

Cassie, what's wrong? Jake called out. He must have heard her scream.

Cassie calmly explained everything.

Tobias is gone, She said like she didn't believe it. It will be lonely without him.

That's when I noticed something. Something that wasn't there before. Tears. Tears poured down my cheeks as I climbed that building.

"Oh," I said. "Oh."

I was almost to the top. I knew what I was going to do when I got up there.

I would jump and end it all. End my life. My friends hated me, Tobias was dead, and I would go to jail if I survived.

I was going to jump.

I reached the top of the building, panting. I grasped the brick and pulled myself up. 

I walked over to the side, the end of the top of the building, and stood there.

Rachel, are you nuts? Jake cried. You'll fall!

"That's why I'm doing it," I said.

No, Rachel, Cassie said. Don't!

"I haven't a choice but to," I said. I walked back a couple of steps, ran and –

I was in mid air. I was going to fall.

I did. I fell.

But before I did, I reached my hand out and grabbed a ledge.

Rachel! cried a new voice. It wasn't Jake, Cassie, Marco or Ax. The voice sounded like Tobias.

"Tobias!" I cried.

Rachel, He said. Don't move.

"I can't really –" I said, but I stopped. I heard a sound. It sounded like morphing.

"Rachel," said a voice above me. I turned to look and there was Tobias standing there.

He was in human morph.

"Tobias, help me!" I cried.

"Calm down," He said. He reached his hand out. "Grab my hand."

I reached up. "I can't reach it!" I cried.

"Uh," Tobias said. "Try again!"

I did. I tried again. I swung around and almost lost grip of the ledge. It was truly a tense moment.

"Try again. You almost got it," Tobias said.

I reached up my hand. Our finger tips touched. 

"Good."

I reached farther, my arm feeling it would fall off. We touched, our hands touched. He took my hand and pulled me up. He took my other hand. So, here I am, this boy on top of a building, holding his girlfriend's hand while her legs dangled dangerously.

He pulled a good, hard yank. Up I and him went. I landed sprawled all over him.

"Rachel!" he said.

"Tobias!" I cried. We hugged and very soon, I found we were kissing. I pulled away. "You're alive!"

"Yep," He said, nodding.

I began to get up. "Oh, Rachel," He said.

"Hmmm?" I answered as we brushed dirt off our selves. 

"Don't ever –EVER – do that again. Do you hear me? Do not EVER attempt to do that again!"

I nodded. "I won't. Trust me, I won't."

"Good, now that that's over with, there's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"Those cops…well, I morphed human. To make me all better and all, and I convinced them it wasn't you. You just looked like her."

"Yeah, but I ran –"

"I also told them you were scared and all."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"What are friends for?"

"Oh, speaking of friends…" I said. "Where is everyone?"

RACHEL! Cassie cried.

"That would be them," Tobias said with a laugh.

Rachel, Tobias, oh, wow! You're all right! I need to go tell Jake. And Marco and Ax. Man, they think you guys are dead! Cassie flew off.

"Well," I said. "Glad to see at least someone is happy.

Tobias and I looked out across the city.

You know how sometimes we all wish our lives weren't so different and be so normal? Well, sometimes I wish that.

But standing on the roof of a building in the city with your boyfriend turned hawk who had just turned human to see you and rescue you from being a little spot on the sidewalk, well…

I never wanted to be normal again.

(A/N: If anyone is wondering how long exactly this story is, it's 75 pages. The computer said it was 76, but I didn't have any text on that page, so it's 75 pages. This story took about two or three weeks maybe to write. ~ The Stalker)  



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